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[cancer] Shelving my next trip to hell for a while - Lakeshore
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-04-19 05:33
Subject: [cancer] Shelving my next trip to hell for a while
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, child, health, personal
Good news yesterday, though, I didn't get the CT result until I was actually in with my surgical oncologist, which made for a tense and stressful morning. However, the actual radiology report was very encouraging. The relevant portion reads:
"Stable appearance of inferior right lobe hepatic wedge resection site with no residual/recurrent tumor along the margins of resection. Previously described subcentimeter right lobe hypodensity image 115 appears less conspicuous. No other potential new or enlarging hepatic lesion."

In plain English, that means the most recent liver resection shows no signs of a return of the cancer, and the lesion they found two months ago has reduced. That pretty much is conclusive that this isn't a cancerous tumor. Meanwhile, everything else is clean with no sign of additional metastasis.

In other words, hooray!

Our next step is a follow-up CT scan and bloodwork in mid-August. In the mean time, I will be having my chest port removed in the near future. Which is a stark statement on the part of me and my oncologists, as it will take years of good CT scans before I can be deemed cured. I'm not even in remission yet, technically.

Spent a lot of time yesterday thinking about the trap of hope. The past few years have really burned the optimism out of me. They've also pretty much cauterized the gaping wounds left behind. Hope is almost toxic to me now, because the price of the let-downs has been so profound. Far better to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised when it doesn't come to pass than to live in hope and be shot down over and over.

On the other hand, I can now walk around for the next four months being a more-or-less free man. I know my pattern, I'll start to weird out about this a week or two before the next scan date. But without the presence of an existing lesion (as with going into this scan just past), it won't be so brutal or emotionally overwhelming.

So for now, my next trip to hell is on the shelf. Instead of measuring my life out in coffee spoons, I measure it out in CT scans. There's a child to raise and people to love and books to write.

Go live, you guys. It's what I'll be doing.

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User: aiela
Date: 2012-04-19 12:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Congrats! Fingers crossed that you continue to get good news!
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User: jimvanpelt
Date: 2012-04-19 12:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I think I should call in a sub and celebrate your good news with a long hike. I've been hoping for a report like this for you. Happy day, Jay!
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User: mikandra
Date: 2012-04-19 12:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Awesome news
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Michael Curry: alton
User: mcurry
Date: 2012-04-19 12:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Brilliant news!
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Lisa Costello
User: radiantlisa
Date: 2012-04-19 12:58 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Such fabulous news!
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User: a_cubed
Date: 2012-04-19 12:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hooray indeed. Hurrah, even!
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User: magentamn
Date: 2012-04-19 13:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
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User: laurie_gail
Date: 2012-04-19 13:06 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hooray is right! Wonderful news, Jay.
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russ: masereel
User: goulo
Date: 2012-04-19 13:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Excellent! I'm very happy to hear it.
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Larry Sanderson: Bahama Sunrise
User: lsanderson
Date: 2012-04-19 13:10 (UTC)
Subject: w00t!
Keyword:Bahama Sunrise
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User: gummitch
Date: 2012-04-19 13:19 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Terrific news!
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User: jakobdrud
Date: 2012-04-19 13:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Great news! And you're so right to go live. It's the best way to fight that fucking disease.
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2012-04-19 13:21 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
As I said on FB, about frickin' time. Yay!
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A large duck
User: burger_eater
Date: 2012-04-19 13:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Excellent news! Good luck in August.
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scarlettina: Fantastic!
User: scarlettina
Date: 2012-04-19 13:35 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
YAY! Time for the happy dance!
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User: cathshaffer
Date: 2012-04-19 13:35 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Great news! I am extremely happy to hear this. IIRC, the only confirmed by biopsy met you've had was in your lung, so you've never had actual liver mets, right?

The scans are indeed extremely stressful. Here's hoping that you continue getting enough good news that the scans will become farther apart, and more like an inconvenience than Russian roulette.

Happy hugs!
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Jay Lake: cancer_tumor
User: jaylake
Date: 2012-04-19 13:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Actually, last year's liver met was confirmed by biopsy. So I've had two mets.

Primary presentation: April, 2008
Lung met: April, 2009 (though not confirmed until November, 2009)
Liver met: April, 2010 (though not confirmed until July, 2010)

You can see why April is the cruelest month for me.
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Peter Hollo
User: frogworth
Date: 2012-04-19 13:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
That's really good news!
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2012-04-19 13:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Very glad for you, Jay.
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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2012-04-19 13:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This is the best news so far this year.
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W. Lotus: Peaceful
User: wlotus
Date: 2012-04-19 13:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hooray! Here's to the next four months of freedom!
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User: madrobins
Date: 2012-04-19 13:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Big hug. BIIIIIIIG Hug. It's wonderful news. Go live a lot.
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Katherine Sparrow
User: ktsparrow
Date: 2012-04-19 14:09 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Huge! Glad to hear it.
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User: autopope
Date: 2012-04-19 14:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Here's hoping that your last round of chemo nailed all the resistant cells left over from the first round and you're one of the lucky 40% who make it to 5-years-clear.
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User: kellymccullough
Date: 2012-04-19 15:36 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Strongly seconding this. Also, hooah!
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