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[cancer] Continuing to process last week's news - Lakeshore
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Jay Lake
Date: 2013-04-16 05:40
Subject: [cancer] Continuing to process last week's news
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, personal
We will make another check of my CEA levels at next Monday's chemo, but I am not scheduled for the CT scan until Tuesday, 5/7. I won't have a formal diagnosis until after the CT scan. However, the likelihood that this is a false alarm is rather low. More to the point, even if the new metastasis somehow is not happening right now, it will soon enough. There has been an awful inevitability about this since we learned the outcomes of the January surgery.

I'm power-cycling through a number of difficult reactions. The sons of Mars nip at my heels. This is expressing itself in part as a much higher priority on sorting through the material here in the house before I become so ill I would not be up to the task. Hence yesterday evening's plunge into the Basement of Terror, which resulted among other things in the uncovering of my eighth grade English teacher's year-end farewell note to me. This read, in part, "If you were thirty years older or I were thirty years younger..." Which both very amusing and more than a tad odd.

Also, here's the text of an email I sent my primary care doctor yesterday:
I had a very unfavorably high CEA reading last week. I have a CT on 5/7, and I'm seeing [my medical oncologist] on 5/8, but it would be thoroughly unsurprising if I were presenting with a new round of liver mets. Given that surgery is no longer an option due to the fragility of my liver, this may be the beginning of my end game. If not right now, almost surely sometime within the next year or sooner.

A question I'd been wondering about was the progress of late stage liver failure. As I understand my most likely current prognosis, that is likely to be my cause of death. Is there delerium, dementia or cognitive failure associated with that process? I'm wondering if I should make some plans around mental incapacity.

Can we discuss this process? Or is there a liver specialist I should discuss this with?

The number of horrors which I have to parse as a part of my everyday life just keeps mounting.

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MG Ellington
User: xjenavivex
Date: 2013-04-16 12:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
fuck cancer

There is so much I want to say but nothing really fits. I hate this for you and yours. It isn't a matter of not fighting or even being brave. You do what you must.

The things you think to prepare yourself for - I am glad you can think to ask about and address the issues you will deal with. It is a tactical approach. Thank you for sharing this. Preparing for outcomes is how I deal with things.
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Blair MacGregor
User: blairmacg
Date: 2013-04-16 14:19 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
As someone who walked this road as a caregiver from pre-diagnosis onward, I can give you some answers to your questions that are based on research and personal experience. Just drop me a line if you think it would be helpful.
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Keikaimalu
User: keikaimalu
Date: 2013-04-16 14:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
The particular horror of losing mental faculties, especially when one depends on them daily, is really awful. I hope that's not part of your prognosis. And if it is, I hope you can prepare as much as possible.

Thinking about you.
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joycemocha
User: joycemocha
Date: 2013-04-16 15:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
FWIW, my mother was clear-minded until her very last days. Whether her liver tumor was primary or metastatic was unclear based on medical analysis we had available (27 years ago), but the results are likely to be similar.
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martianmooncrab
User: martianmooncrab
Date: 2013-04-16 17:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
this is like my 5th try to comment, I kept getting "the server reset while loading please try again"

better to be prepared for the future...

I have my Garage of Doom and Clutter, we could get a few more rooms from other folks houses and have an interesting place to visit.
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asakiyume: Tilia
User: asakiyume
Date: 2013-04-16 22:28 (UTC)
Subject: badgers books and bacon
Keyword:Tilia
Here is something to maybe, just for a moment, provide a distraction: three things you like, badgers, books, and bacon!

Well, just one badger. And that is not the prescribed use of books. But I want you to know that the badger is also listening to a book on his iPod as he cooks. And he's probably either read all those interesting-sounding titles he's got stacked up, or intends to. (Count me in that second category.)

books badger bacon!

I'm going to put this on my own LJ as well and ask readers to come up with a story for the badger. I'll let you know if I get any/many responses.

Thinking of you.
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amphigori: bfly
User: amphigori
Date: 2013-04-17 06:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:bfly
You've my continued supportive and sympathetic thoughts as you wrestle with the awful.

And also my 0.o at your teacher's comments! How inappropriately romantic that sounded! :D
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Not Actually Jenny
User: jennyanydots21
Date: 2013-04-17 11:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Don't believe I've commented here before, but just wanted to let you know that I've been following your updates and I have my fingers crossed for you as well!
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