Lakeshore

[cancer] Still in hospital

2009-11-27T21:21:15Z

I am doing unexpectedly well here in hospital. Per this post from calendula_witch I do believe I'm up to visitors today and tomorrow. Also, looks like I may be here til Sunday despite earlier hopes.

[cancer] I may be some time

2009-11-25T13:07:55Z

calendula_witch and shelly_rae are about to take me to hospital. Admission at 6 am, surgery at 7:30, not sure when the actual prep time begins. Ah, epidurals. For what it's worth, I did sleep okay last night.

I could write a lot about fear, panic, irrationality, love, friendship, medicine, cancer, parents, children, caring, sharing. But not now. Now I go to face the knife.

As previously stated, this blog will be going dark for a while. For surgical and post-op updates, watch calendula_witch's blog, or my Twitter feed at @jay_lake, both of which will be updated by calendula_witch. I expect shelly_rae will be updating her Twitter feed as well, @ShellyRaeClift. This blog will be dark for days once I go in.

Anyway, I guess this is good-bye. Or more to the point, see you later.

[photos] Your Wednesday moment of zen

2009-11-25T13:00:58Z

Your Wednesday moment of zen.

the_child celebrates her cousin's birthday. © 2009 M. Lake. All rights reserved.

[links] Link salad goes ungently into the unsweet night of surgery

2009-11-25T12:57:49Z

A reader reacts to my 2005 novel Rocket Science [ Powell's | Amazon ] — I think they liked it.

Cheryl Morgan reviews Madness of Flowers [ Powell's | Amazon ] — Note the comments section, she's playing an utterly lovely game with a short passage from my book.

plunderpuss finishes my medical forms — Hahahah.

joshenglish and Mrs. joshenglish drop by with a lovely parting gift — Hilarious.

SMBC on the topic of lung surgery — An odd resonance in today's comic reading, given where I'm headed this morning.

Nothing to Sneeze At: Doctors' Neckties Seen as Flu Risk — Heh. I knew I was on to something with this whole Hawaiian shirt thing.

APOD with the ice fountains of Enceladus — Wow wow wow.

Hacked E-Mail Is New Fodder for Climate Dispute — Well, this is not good.

Everybody flipflops on the filibuster of judicial nominees — Ah, principled consistency in politics.

?otD: Will you miss me when I'm gone?

11/25/2009
Body movement: n/a (surgery prep)
Hours slept: 6.25
This morning's weigh-in: 236.2
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer

[cancer] Almost there

2009-11-25T04:34:00Z

A very nice evening with friends and family tonight. calendula_witch and shelly_rae are helping me keep the demons at bay, but we're down to the wire. Nothing by mouth after midnight, not even water, and we're leaving Nuevo Rancho Lake around 5:25 am to head for the hospital for 6 am check-in.

For surgical and post-op updates, watch calendula_witch's blog, or my Twitter feed at @jay_lake, both of which will be updated by calendula_witch. I expect shelly_rae will be updating her Twitter feed as well, @ShellyRaeClift. This blog will be dark for days once I go in.

Going to see if sleep is possible tonight.

[photos] Your Tuesday moment of zen

2009-11-24T13:43:42Z

Your Tuesday moment of zen.

Me and my Granddaddy Lake, Easter, 1967. © 1967, 2009 Joseph E. Lake

This work by Joseph E. Lake is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[links] Link salad gets ready to go dark

2009-11-24T13:20:35Z

Polyphony is moving to a subscription model as of volume 7 — Go check it out, and consider a pre-order with Wheatland Press.

Oddly Specific — Weird, and hilarious, signs. (Thanks to corwynofamber.)

More silly signs — (Thanks to Scrivener's Error.)

The Standard Model — Particles, etc. for you skiffy writers. (Via John Burridge.)

Apple rejects iPhone application with drawings of US senators and representatives — Ah, logic. (Thanks to goulo.)

?otD: What is that high, lonesome sound?

11/24/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 4.5
This morning's weigh-in: 235.0
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer

[cancer] Closing in

2009-11-23T13:51:10Z

Surgery is in two days. Nothing like a nacho-ectomy to brighten one's holidays. Still, I think this is a good time to have this surgery.

I've been narrowing more and more. It's increasingly difficult to respond to email, and I've become almost utterly single threaded. I know from last year's cancer surgery that this is normal for me pre-op, but I have some pretty serious hate for what the whole business does to my mind and my emotions.

shelly_rae has been here since my return from California last week, being an absolute brick, and serving as my cancer buddy. calendula_witch arrived last night, bearing my heart with her. I've got an H1N1 shot today (finally!) and a therapist's appointment, some friend/family stuff tomorrow, then, well, that's pretty much it for a while.

This blog will be going dormant while I'm in the hospital, at least til I've recovered sufficiently to peck at a keyboard. calendula_witch will be posting updates on her blog, and she'll have the keys to my Twitter feed, @jay_lake, for realtime updates during surgery and my post-operative stay in the ICU.

My state of mind is about what you'd expect. A mix of dread, terror and anticipation. Two days from now I jump off a cliff and begin a long fall that won't really end before next July when I've tapered off chemo.

I never wanted this. No one ever does, I guess. Sometimes the sheer horror of it all just overwhelms me. I just hang on to the notion that I'll eventually get my life back.

[photos] Your Monday moment of zen

2009-11-23T13:43:38Z

Your Monday moment of zen.

Mushroom, photographed by the_child. © 2009 B. Lake

This work by B. Lake is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[links] Link salad stares down the barrel of a difficult week

2009-11-23T13:41:24Z

The Torque Control post on my book Green has spawned a fascinating coments section — Go check it out. I'm not saying anything there for obvious reasons, but I'm pleased and a bit amazed at some of the careful consideration of my book going on.

Company Wants To Drill For Whiskey Lost In Arctic — (Via @GreatDismal.)

The Secret World of Naked Snakes — Fun wih nature.

A closeup of Enceladus' icescape — Wow. Wow. Wow.

On the Anniversary of Kennedy's Death, Extremism Lives On — the paranoid strain in the American polity has reasserted itself — that strain which ascribes the worst possible motives to one's political opponents, and where lies abound and violence becomes possible Hello, GOP.

?otD: How manic is your Monday?

11/23/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 6.25
This morning's weigh-in: 236.2 (!?)
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer

[personal] Early turkey and sweetness by road

2009-11-23T03:57:21Z

Very nice early Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' with the_child, shelly_rae, Mother of the Child and lillypond. Which was good, as I'll be eating via IV whilst in a drug-induced post-surgical haze this Thursday while the rest of you (Merkins) are chowing gallinaceously.

But best of all, calendula_witch is here!

[photos] Amanita Muscaria

2009-11-23T03:29:03Z

Taken at my parents' beach house on 11/21. Amanita Muscaria. Diameter of the cap was about 6 inches.

As usual, more at the Flickr set.

© 2009 Joseph E. Lake, Jr. & B. Lake

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. & B. Lake is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[photos] Your Sunday moment of zen

2009-11-22T13:34:28Z

Your Sunday moment of zen.

Me in 1971, probably Hawaii. © 1971, 2009 J.A.K. Lake

This work by J.A.K. Lake is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[links] Link salad hears a high lonesome sound

2009-11-22T13:31:06Z

A bit more on Interzone 225 — With novelette "Bone Island" by calendula_witch and me.

Get Fuzzy on the perils of authorship (again)

The Extraordinary World of Ex Libris Art — (Via Dark Roasted Blend.)

Best Use of Exploitative Tactis — Drawn! with a very strange, short animation. Cool, and vaguely NSFW.

Cassini buzzes Enceladus once again — Mmm, photographic goodness.

Why do we hate? Academics seek answer in new field — (Via Freakonomics Blog.)

JFK nephew barred from communion: report — Mmm, I loves me some separation of Church and State. And what is it about religious people that makes them want to force the rest of society to abide by their particular beliefs?

?otD: Do you feel like you're king of the hill?

11/22/2009
Body movement: 120 minute suburban walk (about to depart)
Hours slept: 6.25
This morning's weigh-in: n/a (not yet)
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer

[personal] Heading for the coast

2009-11-21T14:25:16Z

the_child, shelly_rae and I are about to head for the coast. See you all on the other side, hopefully with pictures.

[photos] Your Saturday moment of zen

2009-11-21T14:22:37Z

Your Saturday moment of zen.

jtdiii ca. 1981 or so. © 1981, 2009 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[links] Link salad takes the last train to the coast

2009-11-21T14:19:39Z

The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. — Kameron Hurley riffs on a recent comment of mine about copy writing vs fiction writing.

Two Lumps does steampunk

The Emerging Field of Biophotonic Communication — The growing evidence that cells communicate with photons is generating an exciting new field of research. Wow is that is that strange.

"RuBisCo Stars" and the Riddle of Life — Plus a really cool iPhone app. Centauri Dreams gets jiggy with the interstellar communication.

52% of Republicans think Obama was not legitimately elected — WTF? And don't try to tell me this compares to Bush v. Gore - the issues there were sufficiently legitimate to wind up before the Supreme Court, which made a self-admittedly flaky decision (viz their instructions that the ruling was not to be used as precendent). This is trial by FOX News and conservative paranoia. Not to mention which the numbers don't even begin to hold up on the face of it.

Gingrich warns GOP of dangers of extremism — Much like Howdy Doody warning of the evils of puppetry, methinks. Or possibly Joe McCarthy being alarmed about the impact of Red baiting, to use a more Republican-focused analogy. Newt bears as much responsibility as Lee Atwater and Roger Ailes for creating the psychotic mess that is the modern GOP. Now he's sorry?

?otD: Who are the three men you admire most?

11/21/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 7.0
This morning's weigh-in: 234.8
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer

[cancer] Generosity

2009-11-20T23:59:22Z

I've been receiving some very kind emails, along with cards and letters and a few packages. tamiam sent an inspiration book and DVD. Deborah Ross knitted me a fine hat. And today, a very kind and thoughtful librarian sent me a generous monetary gift.

That last gave me significant pause in an unexpected way. Yes, this cancer is expensive, and difficult. On the other hand, I'm well-insured (by American standards), and I have a good income from the Day Jobbe. Taking the gift very much in the spirit it was intended, I endorsed the check to The Clayton Memorial Medical Fund. That way the gift will be used to aid Pacific Northwest writers in more need than I am.

To that end, if you're moved to contribute money in this situation, please send it in my name to:

Clayton Medical Fund
c/o OSFCI
P.O. Box 5703
Portland, Oregon 97228

If you want to knit me a spiffy hat or send me an art project or something, feel free to do so at:

Jay Lake
P.O. Box 42611
Portland, Oregon 97242-0611

I want to emphasize my profound gratitude and humble surprise at these gifts. Friends and strangers alike have been stunningly kind to me in this journey. You are wonderful.

[food] Knot rolls, per my mother's family

2009-11-20T23:55:32Z

Single recipe (plus/minus 2 doz rolls). These are stupidly tasty, as well as being rather simple, as yeast breads go.

Combine 1/2 cup boiling water with 1/2 cup Pet (condensed) milk; set aside

Combine 2 pks or cakes of yeast with 1/4 cup wrist warm water, dash of sugar, set aside to proof

Cream 1/2 cup sugar, 1/2 cup butter, lightly salt

Add 2 eggs and beat well

Add water/Pet milk and stir well

Add flour a cup at a time (over 3 cups) til ready to knead

Turn out on floured counter top and knead well

Leave in covered bowl, let rise til doubled

Beat down, make into rolls by taking chunks slightly larger than golf balls, twirling them into little logs, and tying the logs into simple knots

Let rise again

10-12 min in 325 oven on a baking sheet with baking parchment, just until they turn golden

Butter tops of hot rolls, set on wire rack to cool

[personal|cancer] Counting down the days

2009-11-20T13:49:05Z

the_child, shelly_rae and I had a very lovely evening with frogworth and his family yesterday. We met at Powell's downtown, where I signed stock and bought presents for the Niece, whose sixth birthday is tomorrow. Then we headed over to Jake's Famous Crawfish for a ludicrously sumptuous dinner. Excellent conversation and fascinating stories were shared.

Today is Day Jobbery, then a planned birthday party for the Niece tonight, but she was running a fever yesterday, so that might not happen. Tomorrow the_child, shelly_rae and I are off to the coast to visit the wreck of Peter Iredale, and if time permits, also Indian Beach, which is my favorite West Coast beach. Sunday, a family Thanksgiving, for which I am baking knot rolls. (If you ask nicely, I'll post the recipe.)

Cancer-wise, the world keeps getting narrower as my surgery date approaches. I'm shedding commitments, people, desires, and needs. Not so much with the panic these last few days as with the sadness. I have my pre-operative screening appointment this morning. Monday I'll see my therapist again. Wednesday morning, back to the land of pain and drugs.

calendula_witch will be here Sunday, at which point my heart will be restored to me. She and shelly_rae will keep me pointed in the right direction before surgery, and keep me going after until I'm back on my feet. I'll know more about the chemo come 12/7, once we have the pathology reports in hand and meet with oncologist.

For now, I go on.

[photos] Your Friday moment of zen

2009-11-20T13:38:49Z

Your Friday moment of zen.

Another flower from the Bull of the Woods hike at Taos Ski Valley. © 2006, 2009 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[link] Out on the road today, link salad saw a Black Flag sticker on a Cadillac

2009-11-20T13:36:44Z

A reader reacts to Green [ Powell's | Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Borders ] — And she likes it...

The Guardian on best science fiction titles — In which I am favorably name checked. And title checked.

Enterprise — Star Trek paintings. Heh. (Via Drawn!.)

Police: Would-be Seattle ninja impaled on fence — "The man was "overconfident in his abilities," and that alcohol likely played a role. Um, yeah. (Thanks to corwynofamber.)

Europa might be teeming with fish — Wow. Just wow.

Underwater river of hydrogen sulphide — Wow.

?otD: What is the little voice inside your head saying?

11/20/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 6.0
This morning's weigh-in: 233.2
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer

[travel] My mom, on getting to know you

2009-11-19T13:14:06Z

tillyjane, a/k/a my mom, recently spent three weeks traveling around the West, much of at the Grand Canyon doing trail maintenance and habitat restoration as a volunteer. When she returned to Portland, she began writing up her days as a sort of irregular journal. The emails were so delightful that with her permission, I'm going to post them here as guest blogs — mediations on people, travel, nature and the American West.

This is her fourth installment, from an email dated September 22nd, shortly after her return.

I'd Like to Get to Know You

The Sierra Club sponsored and organized and provided all the logistical support for our week of volunteer work at Grand Canyon. All we really had to do was get there and put up our tents and provide our own eating utensils. Bruce and Larry managed the rest. All we knew about Bruce and Larry was that they are life partners and coleaders of Sierra Club outings such as this one. This much was made clear in the info sent out prior to the trip.

Bruce was our liaison to the park staff, Larry was keeper of the commissary, chief cook and shopper. Both were in charge of safety and sanitation. The only rules they had for us were to drink lots of water, use hand sanitizer before touching communal food, and go in groups of at least three when tipping the rim. Nice phrase, isn't that? Everything else was by mutual agreement.

The first evening as we gathered we agreed to their suggestion that we not talk to each other about how we made our living... or how we had done in the case of the many retirees. We decided we would reveal all on Wednesday at suppertime.

How do we know who to salute and who salutes us? We determine age, gender, and occupation/education of our new interlocutor, then we know our relative status. I aint sayin' this is right or good, just that its what we usually do. So here we were pretty much in the dark. Well it was pretty obvious everyone was well educated, a little conversation was all it took. It was pretty obvious everyone had a lot of varied interests...Jim played baroque music on his recorder in the evenings. Jane took close up pictures of plants. Tom and Rich liked to sing 60s songs. Larry cooked up excellent meals to suit every possible dietary requirement of a group largely made up of folks over 60. Sarah went out early by herself to maximize solitude and opportunities to see the wildlife. Mia was on her way to a bug show after we were finished. She had driven her classic VW bus (a mid sixties model) from Ontario, and was going on to a VW rally where she expected to win in her class.

On Wed evening we all looked forward to knowing more about each other, but we already had made friends and knew we liked each other, and who we liked best. (Jane, and her husband Ira in my case... a couple in their 70s) So we did a truth and a lie and tried to figure out whether Marshall was a producer of adult movies or a radiologist. Whether Larry was a tax attorney or a slumlord. Jane claimed to be either a garden photographer or a scuba instructor. Jim's wife Pam was either a museum curator or a small business owner. Sue was a salesperson at the largest Mercedes dealer in LA or else a medical administrator. Jessie was a high school teacher or a jazz singer. Sarah was a linguist for the State Department or a fact checker and copy editor for a major scifi publisher.

Turned out we all sort of mixed up our truths and lies, much like I did. Neither was actually true, but both had to do with my background and interests. They voted me a linguist because I had worn my Sofia shirt with Cyrillic letters, and no one believed that scifi needs fact checking. Hehehe. And I won a goth baseball cap with GCNP spelled out in rivets for telling the most interesting lie. Wheeee!

Then we all actually did introduce ourselves in a more ordinary way. We had a professional gardener who runs her own business, retired doctors and lawyers. A hospital administrator, teachers, social worker, college professor (Ira, of course). And dear Jane, who was born in the blitz of London is actually both a garden photographer and a scuba instructor and underwater photographer who works with Scripps.

About who you would expect on a trip that requires a certain sort of financial resource and a certain worldview that is larger than the block we live on.

Nice people, nice week, good for the Sierra Club.

tillyjane's previous installment, "On the Kindness of Strangers", is here: [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]

[photos] Your Thursday moment of zen

2009-11-19T13:12:55Z

Your Thursday moment of zen.

Flower on Bull of the Woods trail, about 9,500 feet, Taos Ski Valley, NM. © 2006, 2009 Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

[links] Link salad files its nails while they're dragging the lake

2009-11-19T13:11:40Z

A reader reacts to Green [ Powell's | Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Borders ]

SFWA with a podcast of the Google Books Settlement panel I was on at WFC

The Polish Army in France — WWI poster from Vintagraph.

What the Future May Hold — Bob Herbert on infrastructure. What he said. "Deferred maintenance" is one of the worst ideas our business and political culture ever had.

Thomas Friedman on why it doesn't matter whether or not you believe in global warming — He's right, but I'll add that not believing in global warming is like not believing in evolution or gravity. It's happening regardless of what your wilful blindnesses may tell you.

?otD: Who was she watching, anyway?

11/19/2009
Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk
Hours slept: 6.0
This morning's weigh-in: 234.0
Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer