![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) calendula_witch and shelly_rae are about to take me to hospital. Admission at 6 am, surgery at 7:30, not sure when the actual prep time begins. Ah, epidurals. For what it's worth, I did sleep okay last night.
I could write a lot about fear, panic, irrationality, love, friendship, medicine, cancer, parents, children, caring, sharing. But not now. Now I go to face the knife.
As previously stated, this blog will be going dark for a while. For surgical and post-op updates, watch calendula_witch's blog, or my Twitter feed at @jay_lake, both of which will be updated by calendula_witch. I expect shelly_rae will be updating her Twitter feed as well, @ShellyRaeClift. This blog will be dark for days once I go in.
Anyway, I guess this is good-bye. Or more to the point, see you later.
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| 2009-11-25 04:57 |
| [links] Link salad goes ungently into the unsweet night of surgery |
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| books, cancer, funny, health, links, madness, personal, photos, politics, reviews, rocket, science |
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A reader reacts to my 2005 novel Rocket Science [ Powell's | Amazon ] — I think they liked it.
Cheryl Morgan reviews Madness of Flowers [ Powell's | Amazon ] — Note the comments section, she's playing an utterly lovely game with a short passage from my book.
plunderpuss finishes my medical forms — Hahahah.
joshenglish and Mrs. joshenglish drop by with a lovely parting gift — Hilarious.
SMBC on the topic of lung surgery — An odd resonance in today's comic reading, given where I'm headed this morning.
Nothing to Sneeze At: Doctors' Neckties Seen as Flu Risk — Heh. I knew I was on to something with this whole Hawaiian shirt thing.
APOD with the ice fountains of Enceladus — Wow wow wow.
Hacked E-Mail Is New Fodder for Climate Dispute — Well, this is not good.
Everybody flipflops on the filibuster of judicial nominees — Ah, principled consistency in politics.
?otD: Will you miss me when I'm gone?
11/25/2009 Body movement: n/a (surgery prep) Hours slept: 6.25 This morning's weigh-in: 236.2 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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Your Tuesday moment of zen.
Me and my Granddaddy Lake, Easter, 1967. © 1967, 2009 Joseph E. Lake
This work by Joseph E. Lake is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.
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Polyphony is moving to a subscription model as of volume 7 — Go check it out, and consider a pre-order with Wheatland Press.
Oddly Specific — Weird, and hilarious, signs. (Thanks to corwynofamber.)
More silly signs — (Thanks to Scrivener's Error.)
The Standard Model — Particles, etc. for you skiffy writers. (Via John Burridge.)
Apple rejects iPhone application with drawings of US senators and representatives — Ah, logic. (Thanks to goulo.)
?otD: What is that high, lonesome sound?
11/24/2009 Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk Hours slept: 4.5 This morning's weigh-in: 235.0 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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| 2009-11-23 05:41 |
| [links] Link salad stares down the barrel of a difficult week |
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| books, cool, culture, green, links, nature, personal, photos, politics, reviews, science |
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The Torque Control post on my book Green has spawned a fascinating coments section — Go check it out. I'm not saying anything there for obvious reasons, but I'm pleased and a bit amazed at some of the careful consideration of my book going on.
Company Wants To Drill For Whiskey Lost In Arctic — (Via @GreatDismal.)
The Secret World of Naked Snakes — Fun wih nature.
A closeup of Enceladus' icescape — Wow. Wow. Wow.
On the Anniversary of Kennedy's Death, Extremism Lives On — the paranoid strain in the American polity has reasserted itself — that strain which ascribes the worst possible motives to one's political opponents, and where lies abound and violence becomes possible Hello, GOP.
?otD: How manic is your Monday?
11/23/2009 Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk Hours slept: 6.25 This morning's weigh-in: 236.2 (!?) Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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| 2009-11-22 05:31 |
| [links] Link salad hears a high lonesome sound |
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| art, books, calendula, cool, links, personal, politics, process, religion, reviews, science, stories, videos, writing |
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A bit more on Interzone 225 — With novelette "Bone Island" by calendula_witch and me.
Get Fuzzy on the perils of authorship (again)
The Extraordinary World of Ex Libris Art — (Via Dark Roasted Blend.)
Best Use of Exploitative Tactis — Drawn! with a very strange, short animation. Cool, and vaguely NSFW.
Cassini buzzes Enceladus once again — Mmm, photographic goodness.
Why do we hate? Academics seek answer in new field — (Via Freakonomics Blog.)
JFK nephew barred from communion: report — Mmm, I loves me some separation of Church and State. And what is it about religious people that makes them want to force the rest of society to abide by their particular beliefs?
?otD: Do you feel like you're king of the hill?
11/22/2009 Body movement: 120 minute suburban walk (about to depart) Hours slept: 6.25 This morning's weigh-in: n/a (not yet) Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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the_child, shelly_rae and I are about to head for the coast. See you all on the other side, hopefully with pictures.
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The Good. The Bad. The Ugly. — Kameron Hurley riffs on a recent comment of mine about copy writing vs fiction writing.
Two Lumps does steampunk
The Emerging Field of Biophotonic Communication — The growing evidence that cells communicate with photons is generating an exciting new field of research. Wow is that is that strange.
"RuBisCo Stars" and the Riddle of Life — Plus a really cool iPhone app. Centauri Dreams gets jiggy with the interstellar communication.
52% of Republicans think Obama was not legitimately elected — WTF? And don't try to tell me this compares to Bush v. Gore - the issues there were sufficiently legitimate to wind up before the Supreme Court, which made a self-admittedly flaky decision (viz their instructions that the ruling was not to be used as precendent). This is trial by FOX News and conservative paranoia. Not to mention which the numbers don't even begin to hold up on the face of it.
Gingrich warns GOP of dangers of extremism — Much like Howdy Doody warning of the evils of puppetry, methinks. Or possibly Joe McCarthy being alarmed about the impact of Red baiting, to use a more Republican-focused analogy. Newt bears as much responsibility as Lee Atwater and Roger Ailes for creating the psychotic mess that is the modern GOP. Now he's sorry?
?otD: Who are the three men you admire most?
11/21/2009 Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk Hours slept: 7.0 This morning's weigh-in: 234.8 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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I've been receiving some very kind emails, along with cards and letters and a few packages. tamiam sent an inspiration book and DVD. Deborah Ross knitted me a fine hat. And today, a very kind and thoughtful librarian sent me a generous monetary gift.
That last gave me significant pause in an unexpected way. Yes, this cancer is expensive, and difficult. On the other hand, I'm well-insured (by American standards), and I have a good income from the Day Jobbe. Taking the gift very much in the spirit it was intended, I endorsed the check to The Clayton Memorial Medical Fund. That way the gift will be used to aid Pacific Northwest writers in more need than I am.
To that end, if you're moved to contribute money in this situation, please send it in my name to:
Clayton Medical Fund
c/o OSFCI
P.O. Box 5703
Portland, Oregon 97228 If you want to knit me a spiffy hat or send me an art project or something, feel free to do so at: Jay Lake
P.O. Box 42611
Portland, Oregon 97242-0611 I want to emphasize my profound gratitude and humble surprise at these gifts. Friends and strangers alike have been stunningly kind to me in this journey. You are wonderful.
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the_child, shelly_rae and I had a very lovely evening with frogworth and his family yesterday. We met at Powell's downtown, where I signed stock and bought presents for the Niece, whose sixth birthday is tomorrow. Then we headed over to Jake's Famous Crawfish for a ludicrously sumptuous dinner. Excellent conversation and fascinating stories were shared.
Today is Day Jobbery, then a planned birthday party for the Niece tonight, but she was running a fever yesterday, so that might not happen. Tomorrow the_child, shelly_rae and I are off to the coast to visit the wreck of Peter Iredale, and if time permits, also Indian Beach, which is my favorite West Coast beach. Sunday, a family Thanksgiving, for which I am baking knot rolls. (If you ask nicely, I'll post the recipe.)
Cancer-wise, the world keeps getting narrower as my surgery date approaches. I'm shedding commitments, people, desires, and needs. Not so much with the panic these last few days as with the sadness. I have my pre-operative screening appointment this morning. Monday I'll see my therapist again. Wednesday morning, back to the land of pain and drugs.
calendula_witch will be here Sunday, at which point my heart will be restored to me. She and shelly_rae will keep me pointed in the right direction before surgery, and keep me going after until I'm back on my feet. I'll know more about the chemo come 12/7, once we have the pathology reports in hand and meet with oncologist.
For now, I go on.
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| 2009-11-20 05:36 |
| [link] Out on the road today, link salad saw a Black Flag sticker on a Cadillac |
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| art, books, cool, green, links, nature, personal, photos, reviews, science, stories, weird |
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A reader reacts to Green [ Powell's | Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Borders ] — And she likes it...
The Guardian on best science fiction titles — In which I am favorably name checked. And title checked.
Enterprise — Star Trek paintings. Heh. (Via Drawn!.)
Police: Would-be Seattle ninja impaled on fence — "The man was "overconfident in his abilities," and that alcohol likely played a role. Um, yeah. (Thanks to corwynofamber.)
Europa might be teeming with fish — Wow. Just wow.
Underwater river of hydrogen sulphide — Wow.
?otD: What is the little voice inside your head saying?
11/20/2009 Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk Hours slept: 6.0 This morning's weigh-in: 233.2 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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tillyjane, a/k/a my mom, recently spent three weeks traveling around the West, much of at the Grand Canyon doing trail maintenance and habitat restoration as a volunteer. When she returned to Portland, she began writing up her days as a sort of irregular journal. The emails were so delightful that with her permission, I'm going to post them here as guest blogs — mediations on people, travel, nature and the American West.
This is her fourth installment, from an email dated September 22nd, shortly after her return.
( I'd Like to Get to Know You )
tillyjane's previous installment, "On the Kindness of Strangers", is here: [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]
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A reader reacts to Green [ Powell's | Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Borders ]
SFWA with a podcast of the Google Books Settlement panel I was on at WFC
The Polish Army in France — WWI poster from Vintagraph.
What the Future May Hold — Bob Herbert on infrastructure. What he said. "Deferred maintenance" is one of the worst ideas our business and political culture ever had.
Thomas Friedman on why it doesn't matter whether or not you believe in global warming — He's right, but I'll add that not believing in global warming is like not believing in evolution or gravity. It's happening regardless of what your wilful blindnesses may tell you.
?otD: Who was she watching, anyway?
11/19/2009 Body movement: 60 minute suburban walk Hours slept: 6.0 This morning's weigh-in: 234.0 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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Nice walk up Twin Peaks this morning. I'll miss it, as I don't know when I'll be back in SF in the foreseeable future. I'm likely under a travel restriction through about July, though I may be able to sneak down to California briefly over the holidays.
I'm returning to Portland this afternoon, calendula_witch will be there on Sunday, driving the Witchmobile as she'll stay for a couple of weeks. shelly_rae is heading to Portland today as well, to be my cancer buddy, and calendula_witch's, through the surgery and the hospitalization following.
Lots of busy coming up, including the Niece's sixth birthday party on Friday and an early family Thanksgiving on Sunday. This is good, as the surgery is a week from today, and by about Monday I will be an utter wreck.
Had a stray thought while walking about the difference between my business writing (Day Jobbery) and my fiction. Yesterday I executed a quick project, only a few hours, in which I repurposed some existing text from our Web site and from a handful of sales proposals. This is completely normal behavior, because it preserves brand consistency, keeps me on message, and helps the salespeople by offering predictable language they're already familiar with. I'm not required to be original every time, in fact, quite the opposite. The creativity there comes from figuring out how to meet the requirement in the first place, writing introductory, bridging and concluding text, and generally positioning the whole project. Whereas in my fiction writing, I never deliberately repeat myself. (Well, almost never, but it's very unusual.) I go to a fair amount of trouble to not repeat other people, though we all do it by accident sometimes.
This may be about as revelatory as noticing the sky is blue, but I'd never thought of things this way before. Ah, brain, I knew there was a reason I take you for walks.
Also, I've continued to write through all this. Currently revising calendula_witch's draft of Our Lady of the Islands, a book that continues to be an excellent read.
All in all, my head and heart remain unusually calm these last few days. Let us hope for more of the same.
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| 2009-11-18 05:36 |
| [links] Link salad has its hair pulled back, Wayfarers on |
| Public |
| books, cool, funny, green, health, language, links, personal, photos, process, reviews, weird, writing |
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A fascinating roundup of some (starkly contradictory) reviews of my novel Green [ Powell's | Amazon | Kindle | Barnes & Noble | Borders ]
Fantasy and Fitness: Interviews with Jay Lake and Elizabeth Bear
Get Fuzzy on what writing really is — Plus bonus parts of speech!
Faults "intollerable and euer vndecent" — Language Log is rather funny about 16th century prescriptivism. With primary sources, no less. A must-read for word geeks and grammar geeks.
Hippos biting a crocodile to death — Wow. And yes, this is a violent photo. Nature red of tooth and claw.
PETMAN prototype — A walking robot that approaches the uncanny valley from a different direction. (Thanks to wilyumtx.)
?otD: Where did you leave your heart?
11/18/2009 Body movement: 60 minute urban walk (San Francisco hills!) Hours slept: 6.0 This morning's weigh-in: 233.0 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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There are moments in life which you cannot take back or do over. The first time you say "I love you" to someone who has become important. Signing your mortgage papers. Birthing a child. Whatever happens, you've jumped, and there's no going back. Your life will be forever different.
I am coming to see this impending thoracic surgery as such a Rubicon for me. Not the surgical procedure itself, I suppose, but the milestone of passing from diagnosis of this second round of cancer, which has been going on since May, to treatment, which will likely go on through next June at the earliest. Over a year of my life spent on this single, deadly issue. And this surgery is the pivot point.
Things will be different. I spent a lot of time convincing myself that last year's cancer was a fluke, a one time event from which I would recover and return to the general population of risk, mortality, life expectancy, baseline health and so forth. Now we know my colon continues to produce precancerous polyps, and we have this tumor to take out of my lung, and we have the near-certainty of chemotherapy. I will never return to the general population. There is a new normal in my life, and it will always have me one scan away from very bad news indeed.
Take that sense of transition, and combine it with the usual fears of surgery, and my larger fears of chemotherapy, and invest it all in a Wednesday morning check-in time at the hospital for my nacho-ectomy, and you have my Rubicon.
Life will be different. More different than anything I've ever done, in some ways. Yet, as calendula_witch keeps reminding me, I am still me, and I will continue to be me. I seem to be living a life filled with love and madness.
Even now, I have no regrets. Only hopes and fears.
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Scrivener's Error on the updates to the vile Google Books Settlement — Yep, copyright theft is still copyright theft. Way to not be evil, boys.
Downloading Optimism — Artist Lucy Knisley on digital books. Worth the read.
Fire and Ice: 1900 — Shorpy with some real steampunk.
Anonymous Doc on on unusual medical procedures — A stool transplant? (The first part of the link is about something else entirely, and is rather sad. Interesting blog to follow.)
A 25-year battery — Can I have one for my iPhone?
?otD: Why do they call it Twin Peaks when there's three hilltops?
11/17/2009 Body movement: 60 minute urban walk (San Francisco hills!) Hours slept: 6.0 This morning's weigh-in: 234.5 Currently reading: Finch by Jeff VanderMeer
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