?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2007-07-20 07:42
Subject: [personal] On politeness (a metapost of sorts)
Security: Public
Tags:lj, personal
I just did something I almost never, ever do on LJ, which is make a post, but lock it Private for my eyes only.

I do make f-locked posts from time to time, but I don't use LJ as a private journalling tool. In this case, I wrote up a post which pointed at several specific people in a way which would not reasonably remain anonymous. Not to deride or insult, but simply by reference. I decided that it's not fair of me to "out" people, and if I'm going to name names, to just do that. Politeness, and a desire to respect other people's social privacy and personal boundaries, are both pretty important to me.

My basic rule here is that if you make public statements in the blogosphere or in print, I can cite you or respond to you. If you make statements in the comments section of my LJ, unless you've specifically requested privacy/anonymity I'll quote you at whatever length might please me. Not that it comes up very often, and I always strive to be respectful.

snippy was talking recently on her LJ about this issue of boundaries and social responsibility in online discourse. It's interesting to me. I'm not sure where the limits are. Right now I'm going with the Potter Stewart test — I'll know them when I see them.
Post A Comment | 15 Comments | | Flag | Link






manmela
User: manmela
Date: 2007-07-20 15:33 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
If I post on someone else's LJ in a public post, then in doing so, I feel I've given anyone the right to cite or respond to me (it's in the public domain). OK, so I might get mad if people take me out of context, but let's assume everyone is reasonable.

If someone is on my friends list then it's a little more complicated but by being on my friends list I've some form of belief that they can be trusted to act responsibly and not take me out of context or make me look a complete fool. If they don't then I'll remove them from my friends list. Simple

If things are more sensitive than that I'll make it my eyes only (and even then write it such that if LJ went buggy one day and everyone saw it, it wouldn;t be too big a deal) or use a different communication method.
Reply | Thread | Link



Steve Nagy
User: stevenagy
Date: 2007-07-20 15:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I can see someone doing what you describe. A way to express yourself, if not necessarily express yourself to others as much as to vent the thoughts inside your head. If you don't have someone around to talk with, it's probably the next best thing to an actual diary.
Reply | Thread | Link



Deborah Layne
User: deborahlive
Date: 2007-07-20 15:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Maybe I'm not understanding what you're saying here.

You wrote a post in which you called out several people on your friends list by name; you locked it so only you can see it; but you're telling the world you did it, so that...what?

So people on your friends list can wonder if they've been scolded? So everyone will know that you have a secret?

Really, Jay, what are you talking about?
Reply | Thread | Link



Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2007-07-20 16:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
No, pretty much the opposite. I called out no one by name, but realized even anonymous references weren't going to remain anonymous, so I locked it. I wasn't scolding anyone, I was talking about why I like certain people so much.

And hey there.
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



sheelangig
User: sheelangig
Date: 2007-07-20 16:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)

Then maybe it should not be a private post, but a series of email or phone calls, telling them so?

Carpe diem and Memento Mori and all that sort of thing, dontcha' know?
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Greg van Eekhout
User: gregvaneekhout
Date: 2007-07-20 16:27 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I have a whole secret journal where all I do is talk about how much I like you.

Well, it's not really so much a journal as it is an altar behind the raincoats in the corner of my closet.

Oh, could you please send me some of your hair?

Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2007-07-20 16:29 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Would you like some nail clippings, too? Or this ratty old thong?
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Greg van Eekhout
User: gregvaneekhout
Date: 2007-07-20 16:33 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm still not quite sure what exactly I need to make my Jay Fun Golem, so let me get back to you on that.

Oh, what the hell, just send everything. Anything extra can go toward Little Jaymunculus.
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2007-07-20 16:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Little Jaymunculus.

Now with opposable thumbs!

(And no, I'm not sending you mine.)
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Deborah Layne
User: deborahlive
Date: 2007-07-20 17:01 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oh, see, I don't need to have those kind of deeply locked posts because I secretly hate everyone...except Greg and maybe one or two other people.

You can see why your post sounded a bit like a seventh grader with a tightly folded piece of paper tossing it into his locker and saying "That says something about some of you but it's a sekrit."

We should get together and chat some time since we live in the same city and all.

:)
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Ramblin_Phyl
User: ramblin_phyl
Date: 2007-07-20 15:57 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
The internet as a social phenomenom has broken down many of the privacy and responsibility boundaries. Everything open to the world.

Whatever happened to discretion?

I don't approve and think everyone, especially kids, have mandatory classes on internet ethics.
Reply | Thread | Link



User: joycemocha
Date: 2007-07-20 16:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My basic rule is that if it's something I don't want people to see, I don't even write it on my computer.

Yeah, I'm paranoid. Being a former political activist does that to you.
Reply | Thread | Link



sheelangig
User: sheelangig
Date: 2007-07-20 16:23 (UTC)
Subject: Politeness and Boundaries and Too Much Information, Oh My!

It's not an unreasonable thing to do, (lock particular posts). We all have private parts of ourselves that we don't choose to share. And, yes, the more paranoid and/or just curious will wonder about this meta-post. It could be interpreted as an announcement of sorts, as well as the beginnings of a discussion about boundaries.

I use the rule of thumb that if it's not *my* personal story, I can't tell it, not unless and until I carve all identity markers off of it. It's probably that the less sensitive a story seems to me, the fewer serial numbers get removed. For instance, I told a story in the Blazing Saddles thread about someone else's experience. It doesn't seem sensitive, and yet I still did not use names or other identifying details. So many times, they don't really *matter* in a story. When they DO matter, then it's probably time for consideration of boundaries.

Is gossip a bad thing? Can you actually define gossip?
Reply | Thread | Link



brni
User: brni
Date: 2007-07-20 23:56 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Politeness and Boundaries and Too Much Information, Oh My!

Gossip is the transmission of personal and potentially embarrassing information about other persons in a way which I publicly denounce as distasteful, and must listen to carefully so that I can make sure to appear to be properly offended.
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



sheelangig
User: sheelangig
Date: 2007-07-21 02:56 (UTC)
Subject: Re: Politeness and Boundaries and Too Much Information, Oh My!

Oh well, humans are curious and social beasties, mostly, we listen to the stories. Deciding iffen or not to believe them or pass them on or otherwise act upon them is a whole 'nother ball of fish. I also know I tend to listen to the whole story before, possibly, asking the teller if they really think that they should be telling such tales. More data is always useful.
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



browse
my journal
links
January 2014
2012 appearances