Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[cancer] Time goes by at the speed of life

One thing being sick (any kind of sick, not just cancer) does is steal time. Normally I always know the time to within five or ten minutes, even if I haven't been near a clock for hours. I can wake up when I want, go to sleep when I want, and am almost never late to anything.

This week I've lost track of what day it is, let alone the hours of my life.

Those of you who know me in real life know how frenetic I am. I live on fast forward, am always overflowing with projects and deadlines and commitments, am the king of personal process optimization and multitasking.

Not now.

And what I've realized is that until after the surgery and the recovery and the post-op assessments, I won't be that person. My fast forward has been put on pause. I live in freeze frame now.

As long as I'm here, I'm going to try my damndest to enjoy the view. I am a tourist in the foreign land of the slow and careful, so the sights are mine to behold. I'm not sure if this is a bug or a feature, so I'm making it a feature.

But damn, I'm going to have a lot to do when this is over.
Tags: cancer, personal
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