Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

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[cancer] My back is my saddle again

At this point, the hardest part about the post-surgical recovery is the fact that I am still forced to sleep on my back. I have never been a back sleeper, and generally have a strong preference for lying on my right side. When I roll to the right, my viscera shift in an unpleasant and rather painful way. Rolling to the left is slightly less painful, but still feels very weird and uncomfortable. So I am trapped on my back like a turned turtle. (Waking up twice a night for medication isn't helping my quality of sleep either.) This is the only part of my daily life now which consistently makes me feel helpless and victimized.

I notice the same effect riding in the car. Turns, bumps and swift stops cause everything in my abdominal cavity to slosh around. This is not a desirable sensation, I can assure you.

I suppose this makes sense — I was unpacked, trimmed a bit, then reassembled in a slightly different configuration than what I was born with. Whatever balance of tissues and fluids it is that holds everything together in a comfortable and stable conformation hasn't yet been reasserted.

But I can tell you that whenever I am able to sleep on my side, that will be my own sense that I've returned to normal.
Tags: cancer, healthcare, personal
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