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I slept six hours last night, woke up rested at 4 am, went for a brisk half hour walk, saw a shooting star, came home and weighed in at 239.6.
None of those things would have been true before I got sick.
I’ve talked before about the gifts of cancer [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ], but I haven’t talked about the gratitude so much lately. I’m finally back in my head and looking externally.
First and foremost, lasirenadolce. I literally owe her my life, given how touch-and-go that first night was going to the ER. She then stood by me through the worst experiences of my life, every step of the way.
Right with her were other friends, including karindira and kenscholes. My family, all of them, my aunts who flew in, my parents who waited by my bed, lillypond, the Niece, Mother of the Child, and most importantly, the_child.
My doctors and nurses and all the people at OHSU. My entire online and professional communities (that’s you guys), with a special shoutout to neutronjockey and all his co-conspirators for the tribute anthology, which I will always treasure. The Fireside writers group. casacorona and Tor Books. John Scalzi and Audible.com.
The list is endless, and I could never fill it completely.
Thanks to you guys, each and every one of you, I slept six hours last night, woke up rested at 4 am, went for a brisk half hour walk, saw a shooting star, came home and weighed in at 239.6. Best of all, I’m still here.
Originally published at jlake.com. You can comment here or there.
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 jaylake |
| 2008-08-14 13:13 (UTC) |
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I'm very sorry to hear about your husband. I hope his treatment course is successful. As for the curling up and crying, I did a bunch of that right when I was diagnosed. The experience is overwhelming, and the reaction is utterly normal. I also went back to my therapist for help. The main thing I did was attack the problem head on. I try to run towards the things I'm afraid of in life, and so I ran towards the cancer. I read about, I wrote about, I talked about it, I asked a million questions of my medical providers. The people around me did the same thing. Silence is your enemy here. Many people are reluctant to talk about health issues. Many more are reluctant to talk about cancer in general. But letting it out, saying the words over and over, robs the fear of its power. I don't mean trivialization, I just mean discussion. I don't know if it helps, but you can read my entire cancer journey on this blog using the tag: http://jaylake.livejournal.com/tag/cancerIt's back-to-front, of course, reverse date order, but you'll see my journey of exposure and discussion all laid out. The biggest thing is don't keep it inside. Don't hide from each other, or your friends and family. And if you don't have a therapist, both of you, find one. Or a pastor. Or whatever fits into your life. Don't keep the fear a secret. It withers in daylight.
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| jaylake |
| 2008-08-14 14:57 (UTC) |
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No magic donuts, I'm afraid.
Though real donuts can be nice.
And I have a family member with chronic Hepatitis (B, not C), so I can relate.
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What Jay said.
Also--are these infusion treatments? If so, there's some tricks to making infusions survivable for both of you. BTDT--I have a son with Crohn's Disease who has regular Remicade infusions every 7 weeks, and we've gone from 10 hour infusions to 4 hour infusions.
I also strongly second Jay's recommendation of meeting this head-on. Don't hide it, and most important, don't hide from it.
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| goulo |
| 2008-08-14 13:56 (UTC) |
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| zen |
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Thank you for writing the various inspiring and interesting posts about your cancer experience! I'm glad that you not simply survived the cancer, but turned it into such a positive thing in many ways.
When life gives you cancer, make cancer-ade!
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| garyomaha |
| 2008-08-14 14:04 (UTC) |
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>>woke up rested at 4 am, went for a brisk half hour walk<<
If you were going for a walk in Omaha at 4 am you'd likely be stopped and questioned by the authorities.
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It was good to see you looking so hale for the 2 and a half minutes that I saw you at WorldCon.
I know it's freaking hot in Austin in August, but I hope you'll ramble on down to ArmadilloCon again in the near future.
(I have a work conference in Chicago the week before FenCon, so I'm not sure if I'll be there or not, trying to work out those details right now.)
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| jaylake |
| 2008-08-14 14:11 (UTC) |
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I really need ArmadilloCon not to be back-to-back with WorldCon...which means next year is unlikely as well, much to my regret. But hopefully I'll see you at FenCon!
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Yeah, we've been talking about that. The truth is, it's helped give us a huge bump this year because Denver is relatively close to Austin (not sure that would work for Reno/Seattle, though).
We've talked about going back to October, but that bumps up against FenCon (which we don't want to do) and World Fantasy. Not sure if there is going to be a good answer to that in the near future...
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It doesn't help that WorldCon keeps moving off of Labor Day.
True, we have to keep an eye on all the active bids and upcoming seated WorldCons. But you know, WorldCon not being on Labor Day is why I was able to go this year (Denver was my first). Classes at UT start the week before Labor Day, so no vacation time for me then.
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| jaylake |
| 2008-08-14 14:29 (UTC) |
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I'm really *not* whingeing, just wishing the logistics were smoother. Or I had more time off from work. Or something...
(Another couple of years and I may have to start only going to Cons where I'm a GoH or Toastmaster or something.)
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Best of all, I’m still here.
Absolutely. The world is not done with you yet, my friend, and nothing so mundane as cancer is going to take you away.
Your demise, many years from now, will involve exploding airships, alien pets, and exotic, alien women with slightly nonhuman physiology (though not necessarily in that order). I just hope someone gets pictures.
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This is beautiful and profound. Thank you for posting it.
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| deedop |
| 2008-08-14 19:57 (UTC) |
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::sniffles::
(Points up at Klingonguy) I have a can of black powder in the basement so if you need those pre-enactment airship explosions to be really big...
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| neutronjockey |
| 2008-08-15 03:29 (UTC) |
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| It's not a fashion trend. |
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(Servant of the people man. It took a team to build that anthology --- one of the best I've ever worked with. ;) )
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| jaylake |
| 2008-08-15 04:18 (UTC) |
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You know, I still can't read it. I treasure this deeply, but it's one of the few aspects of the cancer experience which continues to overwhelm me...
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There's a lot of love from close friends, associates and fans there. It's overwhelming. Just promise me I won't have to coordinate another. ;)
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What a lovely sentiment. Thanks for sharing your gratitude.
I slept six hours last night, woke up rested at 4 am, went for a brisk half hour walk, saw a shooting star, came home and weighed in at 239.6. Best of all, I’m still here.
Awesome!
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