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Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2008-10-17 06:51
Subject: [poll] Tourbillon Tuckerization
Security: Public
Tags:books, contests, funny, polls, tourbillion, writing
Here is the Tourbillon Tuckerization poll, from the recent contest [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ]. Some entries were edited for clarity or to fit in the maximum allowed length of the LJ poll code — feel free to click back to the original contest pages to review them in all their glory. I apologize in advance for any errors in the editing process.

Poll #1280349 Who should be Tuckerized in Tourbillon?

Which of the following contestants has presented the very best reason for them to be Tuckerized in Tourbillon?

mcurry: I should be a character in Tourbillon because then the fact that I am also a character in Green would provide endless hours of confusion as readers tried to figure out how the two worlds were connected.
23(15.5%)
etcet: Tourbillions and billions of atoms make up each gear, and tourbillions of gears themselves make up the cosmos itself. In the face of such overwhelming complexity.
1(0.7%)
selfavowedgeek: How many LJ flist members and readers of yours have a five-year-old son and three-year-old daughter who associate their own foundling knowledge of steampunk with "Jay Lake! Jay Lake!"
7(4.7%)
jeffsoesbe: I should be a character in Tourbillon because: The original form of my family name, Soulsby, is an excellent name for a dim-witted British Army Lieutenant. I've always wanted to visit Goa!
4(2.7%)
fledgist: When I left Jamaica, the last acquaintance I saw was Morris Cargill. Morris Cargill was tuckerized in The Man With The Golden Gun. If you tuckerize me you'll have a tuckerization connection with James Bond.
8(5.4%)
ericjamesstone: The character is dim-witted. And, as everybody knows, conservatives are dim-witted. I am a conservative, therefore the character should be named after me. Q.E.D.
7(4.7%)
controuble: I may not be an Army lieutenant, but it would be type-casting in all other regards as I must be slightly dim-witted to even think of commenting in this thread.
8(5.4%)
stephenstanley: "Stanley" is much more a dim-witted English name than "Soulsby." It is THE dim-witted English name, either surname or Christian, especially for an army lieutenant. He'd also think Goa was part of Hong Kong...
1(0.7%)
gigica: ...because on more than one occasion I have worn my shirt backwards or inside out. To work. 'Nuff said.
10(6.8%)
chibicharibdys: You should name the lieutenant after me, because my last name is so long that it alone will take up at least half a line of text; imagine the anguish of people forced to repeat it in a conversation.
5(3.4%)
wbledbetter: If this dim-witted Army lieutenant dies a horrible, gruesome death in say...oh a fiery explosion or gets eaten by sharks, then all those people who would like to see me come to some terrible end would buy your book.
2(1.4%)
thefaeway: Because not only do I share a first name with one of England's greatest soccer player, but I also have absolutely no English blood in me whatsoever.
1(0.7%)
sheelangig: I offer bribes of home baked shortbread.
8(5.4%)
musingaloud: Wallace is a *GREAT-FANTABULOUS* name for a dim-wit Brit. And I *thought* I may have had cancer when you had your macaroni fandangle, so therefore, you could Tuckerize yourself in a convoluted way.
9(6.1%)
goulo: My name Russell Swayne Williams could sound sort of fancy and British. Plus I've visited India (although we bypassed Goa). And if you find a publisher who'd pay for it, I'd translate the novel into Esperanto.
3(2.0%)
kproche: Because you know just how *good* I'd look in that uniform. Plus, I make really good Giant Toast.
35(23.6%)
tillyjane: Me, because you know whose hole your toad is hiding in...
3(2.0%)
skidspoppe: As a university teacher... one who will be teaching a course in the history of science fiction, a mention in the book will ensure you get talked about with regularity amongst the past masters :)
3(2.0%)
Justin: Because of my history of slightly dim-witted decisions in Goa, which led to my friend contracting Dengue Fever and to the both of us passing up a chance to head deep into the jungle to find a mystic who would "teach us the ways of the elephants."
8(5.4%)
Jeri: I’d be happy to serve as your your dim-witted decision maker in Goa. It’s a cheap way to travel vicariously.
0(0.0%)
C.S. Inman: Because I just tuckerized you last month. I won’t give you all the details (don’t want to spoil anything!), but you scream a lot and you go to jail.
2(1.4%)
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Marsha
User: msisolak
Date: 2008-10-17 14:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My choice led me to the realization of the ridiculous ways you could make the character suffer--remember Tikki Tikki Tembo (No Sa Rembo Chari Bari Ruchi Pip Peri Pembo?) You could start with dropping him in a well, then build tension with his would-be rescuer being someone who has an articulation problem.
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Kelly Green
User: saycestsay
Date: 2008-10-17 16:01 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
The character he named after me came to a Very Bad End. Don't trust him, says I. The uniform will probably be two sizes too small.
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Bob
User: yourbob
Date: 2008-10-17 15:32 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Very difficult choice. No chance the Lt could have backup, I suppose?
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jeffsoesbe: yeff yahoo avatar
User: jeffsoesbe
Date: 2008-10-17 18:09 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:yeff yahoo avatar
I voted for mccurry because of the potential for sheer mind-messery on the part of the readers. Tons of Green/Tourbouillon slash will result.

If you don't want to double-Tuckerize someone, I vote for kproche.

I just couldn't consider voting for Stephen: Comparative attack politics have no place in a Tuckerization poll. :-)

- yeff
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stephenstanley
User: stephenstanley
Date: 2008-10-17 21:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Jeff, you're right, of course, sorry, I apologize. I chalk it up to my dim-wittedness...
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jeffsoesbe: bsg tigh uniform
User: jeffsoesbe
Date: 2008-10-17 21:23 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:bsg tigh uniform
Now, there you go again. That's very sneaky :-)

Voters, I stand here today to say that I am much more dim-witted than my esteemed opponent's.

He is, in fact, very quick-witted and sly. He is one of those smarty-pants intellectuals, a creative, free-thinking, imaginative type. The evidence is there, for all to see and Google.

My friends, we know where the creatives, curious, intellectuals will lead us. To ruin! Ruin and destruction!

I represent dim-witted when I come before you and say "Yup". You could not find a more excellent specimen of dim-witted, dull, unquestioning, incurious, nothing going on upstairs, than me. Yup. Yup indeed.

- yeff
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stephenstanley
User: stephenstanley
Date: 2008-10-17 23:13 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Ahm jest a poor ol hick from the midwest with Engelish heritage ancestors. Ahm right not shur what eggsactally Mister Soesbe are talkin' 'bout. Ah raelly do not no what he meens by the google. Ah wood happyly enlist in the Englelish armed farces iffin they make me a lootenant. Ooowee that wood be jest a rite nice thang. I could type the cockney aksent, two. But Ah think Mister Soesbe is right, y'all shood vote for him because Ahm jest not dim-witteder then him. Ahm not the dimmerest-witteded. Ah leik cookies, tho.
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jeffsoesbe: homer mmm donut
User: jeffsoesbe
Date: 2008-10-18 06:01 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:homer mmm donut
I like cookies, too!

Something that all candidates can agree upon.

There's hope for this country yet!

- yeff
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(no subject) - (Anonymous)
sheelangig
User: sheelangig
Date: 2008-10-17 20:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)

I want to know about Diabeetus Cake, please? Do you share recipes?
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