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Jay Lake
Date: 2009-04-28 03:59
Subject: [cancer] Dreams of darker days
Security: Public
Tags:calendula, cancer, personal
Had my first cancer dream in a long time last night. Normally I'm a lucid dreamer, or at least pretty self-aware, but this was one of those dreams that felt real while I was inside it. I'd gone in for some tests (as I am in fact doing on May 14th and 15th), and they'd found a new cancer. My throat, I think, though that part of the dream is fuzzy now, in retrospect.

In my dream, I got out of the doctor's office and called calendula_witch. I was just in tears. I found myself on the phone with her, trying to convince her that this was not a bad dream, that it was really happening. Which was, of course, my lizardbrain trying to tell me this was a dream, but that's not how I experienced it in the moment.

By the time I woke up, I'd sorted out the fact that this wasn't really happening to me, but it certainly speaks to my anxiety and trepidation at the upcoming screening. Which calendula_witch will be at in person, thank Ghu.

Originally published at jlake.com.

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(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2009-04-29 01:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You understand it all too well.
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User: threeoutside
Date: 2009-04-28 14:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Courage, Pippin. We're all pullin' for you.
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User: fledgist
Date: 2009-04-28 14:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oof. Those anxieties are truly awful.
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Eric T. Reynolds: FootprintsFinal
User: ericreynolds
Date: 2009-04-28 16:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Which calendula_witch will be at in person, thank Ghu.

My experience was (on a different health matter) that that really helps.
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User: alleypat
Date: 2009-04-29 03:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
luckily, i haven't had a cancer dream yet. I do have nightmares that something dark and lethal is searching for me.
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