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Jay Lake
Date: 2009-05-28 04:28
Subject: [cancer] The waiting game
Security: Public
Tags:calendula, cancer, child, family, health, music, personal, religion
Had a session with my therapist yesterday. I'll be seeing quite a bit of him for a while. Also had the Cancer Talk, Year Two with the_child. Which was far less traumatic than I'd expected, though she does have a tendency to run silent and deep on the Big Stuff, then come back later with some astonishingly lateral insights and questions. At my therapist's recommendation, I think I'll be reaching out to Mother of the Child's zen master for some instruction on meditation. (Yes, MotC really does have a zen master, Soto Zen sect for those of you who care about such things. I'm friends with the Reverend as well.)

Had an outbreak of the Fear yesterday morning driving back from the gym. That was a little rough. Near-hysterics do not mix well with traveling 40 mph on a narrow road with no place to pull off. But the top was down and REM's "Drive" was on the CD player, so, well, there I was. I'm also having no trouble already seeing the gifts even this year's cancer is giving me, but that sliver of wisdom is being offset by my general anger at the whole thing.

Callbacks are now late from both my cancer doctor's scheduler and the cancer case management people at my health insurance carrier. I'll launch followup calls today. calendula_witch continues to be a bedrock of loving support. K—, kenscholes and all my friends and family likewise. If love could cure cancer, I'd be the healthiest son of a bitch in North America.

More when it happens.

Originally published at jlake.com.

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User: jess_ka
Date: 2009-05-28 13:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Meditation is an excellent thing, Jay. Definitely a good idea.
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User: kara_gnome
Date: 2009-05-28 13:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm glad you're not keeping the_child in the dark about all this. So many people do, and I think it's a huge mistake, though I do understand why they do. Awesome about the meditation, what a great idea. The other--it'll be good when cancer is in the past again, so good.
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Chris McKitterick: just Chris
User: mckitterick
Date: 2009-05-28 16:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:just Chris
Just letting you know that lots of folks out here are thinking of you and pulling for you through all this.
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User: madrobins
Date: 2009-05-28 19:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This is a hard crappy time, and you seem to be doing all the right things despite it. And you (and that child) are, as if I needed to say it, much loved and supported.
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Allison Lonsdale: lotus
User: caprine
Date: 2009-05-28 19:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I send you hugs and good wishes.

Also, if you are interested in Zen, I recommend American Zen master (and punk rock bass player) Brad Warner's Sit Down and Shut Up: Punk Rock Commentaries on Buddha, God, Truth, Sex, Death, and Dogen's Treasury of the Right Dharma Eye.
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User: selfavowedgeek
Date: 2009-05-28 20:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
the_child takes after her father in the sharpness department--keeping her informed will no doubt only make a strong familial bond that much stronger.

Continued thoughts and prayers.
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User: csinman
Date: 2009-05-28 23:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
If love could cure cancer, I'd be the healthiest son of a bitch in North America.

Good line. And maybe it can't cure it on its own, but it certainly doesn't hurt to have love around.

Here's some from me too:

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User: e_bourne
Date: 2009-05-29 01:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Late callbacks are enraging. Coworker's husband is dealing with "you may have a lymphatic cancer," then their doctor went on vacation. I don't understand how they can do that. Very uncool. Best warm wishes in dealing with yet more of life's little stuff.
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