Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake

[cancer] Moving on through the system

A few more things happening, though status hasn't changed.

Visiting the oncologist tomorrow afternoon, not long before the dinner and reading for Green over at Cedar Hills in Beaverton. (Come by if you're in the area...dinner at 5 at the McMenamin's in the Cedar Hills mall parking lot, reading at 7 at the Powell's at the south end of the mall.)

I'm in Omaha next week, but when I get back, I have an appointment on the 22nd with my primary care physician to do annual stuff like cholesterol screening, and get a baseline on my insulin levels. Last year I had some very weird post-op insulin issues which cleared up with the surgical recovery. And we don't know how chemo will affect me.

On the 30th I have the second opinion appointment at UCSF-Mt. Zion in San Francisco. That plus the oncologist consult will probably map out my likely treatment plan. We'll see.

Mentally and emotionally I'm processing very heavily. Most of it's running deep right now. I'm sleeping okay at night, I'm not having big Fear jags or anything. But it's all in there. Coping with mortality issues, my fear of the chemo, my severe anger at the probability being sidelined from my own life for more than half a year.

I know this isn't a done deal yet, but chemo at least seems inevitable whether or not we do the liver surgery. I have to plan, and adjust accordingly.

I'll write more about the emotional and mental transitions when I understand them a little better. For now, I must say that calendula_witch, K— and everyone else around me are being deeply wonderful.

Originally published at jlake.com.

Tags: books, calendula, california, cancer, green, health, personal

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