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Jay Lake
Date: 2009-06-11 15:42
Subject: [cancer] Moving on through the system
Security: Public
Tags:books, calendula, california, cancer, green, health, personal
A few more things happening, though status hasn't changed.

Visiting the oncologist tomorrow afternoon, not long before the dinner and reading for Green over at Cedar Hills in Beaverton. (Come by if you're in the area...dinner at 5 at the McMenamin's in the Cedar Hills mall parking lot, reading at 7 at the Powell's at the south end of the mall.)

I'm in Omaha next week, but when I get back, I have an appointment on the 22nd with my primary care physician to do annual stuff like cholesterol screening, and get a baseline on my insulin levels. Last year I had some very weird post-op insulin issues which cleared up with the surgical recovery. And we don't know how chemo will affect me.

On the 30th I have the second opinion appointment at UCSF-Mt. Zion in San Francisco. That plus the oncologist consult will probably map out my likely treatment plan. We'll see.

Mentally and emotionally I'm processing very heavily. Most of it's running deep right now. I'm sleeping okay at night, I'm not having big Fear jags or anything. But it's all in there. Coping with mortality issues, my fear of the chemo, my severe anger at the probability being sidelined from my own life for more than half a year.

I know this isn't a done deal yet, but chemo at least seems inevitable whether or not we do the liver surgery. I have to plan, and adjust accordingly.

I'll write more about the emotional and mental transitions when I understand them a little better. For now, I must say that calendula_witch, K— and everyone else around me are being deeply wonderful.

Originally published at jlake.com.

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User: catsparx
Date: 2009-06-11 23:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm having big fear jags for you. Take care of yourself, Jay. I'm so upset at this development
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2009-06-11 23:58 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Working on it, my friend. How's you?
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2009-06-12 00:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hang in there. I was thinking about you and hoping all will be well for you while on top of a mountain today...and after seeing a cool-looking young black bear, who kinda reminded me of you somehow....

So good mountain healing thoughts going your way.
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Samantha Henderson
User: samhenderson
Date: 2009-06-12 01:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I just read your 6/10 update. I'm very sorry, Jay -- but your attitude is tremendous. You have my every best wishes.
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User: madrobins
Date: 2009-06-12 01:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Damn, if you were going to be in San Francisco for any other reason I'd suggest lunch or a drink, but you'll likely be processing too much about the second opinion to want to worry about side issues like drinks with the locals.

Prayer wheels spinning.
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selfavowedgeek: Thing 2
User: selfavowedgeek
Date: 2009-06-12 01:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Thing 2
While driving to Savannah today to take Thing 2 to a pediatric surgeon consult--everything's okay at the moment--I talked to Lovely Wife about you and your family and friends and attitude.

Of course, from the back seat, Thing 2 overheard just enough to squee, "Jay LAKE, Daddy? Jay LAKE?!?!"

And, again, thoughts are prayers sent your way.

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User: kara_gnome
Date: 2009-06-12 10:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I hope it will feel more in control to you when you do have a plan.

I wish it weren't leavened with all of this, but it's so cool about the reading! At least a chance to step into your real life :)
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User: jenntheamazon
Date: 2009-06-12 18:28 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Lets just hope that the chemo doesn't take all of your beautiful hair....but if it does, we'll all have to get together to make you some wonderful loudly colored caps.

Lots of love from all of us here in the Tri-Cities. :-)
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