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Jay Lake
Date: 2009-06-30 14:38
Subject: [cancer] The Magic 8-Ball
Security: Public
Tags:california, cancer, health, personal
The magic cancer 8-ball continues to say "Reply Hazy, Try Again Later." calendula_witch and I had my second opinion visit today with the oncologist at UCSF. Her take on my situation was roughly the same as my OHSU team's take. That is to say, suspicious situation, but too soon to tell for certain. She seemed more focused on the issue of there being multiple possible sites, whereas my oncologist in Oregon was more focused on the liver site. This doctor was careful to hold to the line that as this was still unknown, it would be premature to call this cancer without affirmative evidence.

The radiology group here will read my existing scans and present their own report. I'll do followup scans both at UCSF and OHSU (they use different CT protocols, which the oncologist at UCSF thought might be relevant), and followup consults at both institutions in the second half of July.

In other words, the results were inconclusive and I continue to be in a state of ambiguity. No factual variations. It is somewhat comforting that a completely different practice and medical team came up with essentially the same answer — hold and re-image. But I'm still in the grip of the magic cancer 8-ball for the time being. A bit fashed, run down, even depressed at the lack of progress or resolution.

Onward I go.

Originally published at jlake.com.

Post A Comment | 11 Comments | | Link

User: threeoutside
Date: 2009-06-30 23:05 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You already kknow this, but I'll say it anyway.

One day at a time, dood. One minute at a time when necessary. You're doing well cherishing every day with your loved ones and friends and writing. Keep it up. You know we're all rooting for you!
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User: suelder
Date: 2009-06-30 23:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yeah. The called my ovary "Borderline, with malignant potential". Huh?

I had three opinions, all the same. Almost twenty years later it's still watch and wait. I've rather gotten used to it.

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russ: zen
User: goulo
Date: 2009-07-01 06:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
A good story! And a good reminder. Life is full of all kinds of uncertainty and risk, but we carry on in any case.
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User: wldhrsjen3
Date: 2009-06-30 23:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I hate ambiguity in situations like this, but perhaps it is a good thing in this case. At least no one is panicking. I continue to keep you in my thoughts and offer my best wishes for a quick and smooth resolution.
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Rhonda Parrish
User: rhondaparrish
Date: 2009-06-30 23:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm sorry :( The whole not-knowing thing must really be starting to wear you down. I hope you get a definitive diagnosis soon. I'm still holding out hope that when you do, it will be a good one...as good as it can be, that is.

*cheering for scar tissue or something benign*
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User: zellandyne
Date: 2009-06-30 23:31 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
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Leah Cutter: Stress lab 2
User: lrcutter
Date: 2009-06-30 23:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Stress lab 2
You continue to be in my thoughts Jay. Be gentle with yourself.
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User: sonyamsipes
Date: 2009-07-01 01:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oh Fudge. Hugs.
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Michael Curry: alton
User: mcurry
Date: 2009-07-01 01:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Sorry to hear that the second opinion didn't do more to dispel the uncertainty, though I guess it is to some degree a good thing to get roughly the same opinion from a separate qualified source.

Stay strong.
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User: curiositist
Date: 2009-07-01 04:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Not knowing SUCKS. It is, however, better than a positive. Clinging to potential good? Who? Me? YES.

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scarlettina: Cancer
User: scarlettina
Date: 2009-07-01 05:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
It is somewhat comforting that a completely different practice and medical team came up with essentially the same answer — hold and re-image.

And that's what makes it a good day: the call to hold and reimage is consistent and therefore the right one. I know it's hard and it sucks and it leaves you in limbo, but it's reassuring: it tells you you're doing the right stuff.

And you've got an army of people who love you behind you.
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