icedrake has pointed out that I haven't mentioned the cancer lately. He's absolutely right. This isn't me in denial or hiding, it is truly a case of not much going on. As regular readers know, I had a set of scans back in July, when we were expecting to head into chemotherapy. Those scans revealed that the masses in my liver and right lung had not grown as expected, which makes the diagnosis of metastatic disease more uncertain. Unfortunately, there's no alternate diagnosis yet.

So I'm on a three-month scan-and-hold cycle for now. What this means is that I have a PET/CT scan on 10/22, which happens to be the_child's twelfth birthday. I'll have my oncology consult on 10/27, which will most likely result in another three-month scan-and-hold, or possibly trigger chemo. This situation could prevail for quite some time, unless and until we come up with an alternate diagnosis. Or maybe not. If I've learned anything, it's that the whole cancer experience is remarkably fluid.

I haven't posted about it lately because there hasn't been much to post. The Fear is back on the horizon, like a coming storm, but this time it's a squall. All the scary stuff is still out there, in spades, I've just grown used to it. The East African Plains Ape is an adaptable beast, and can become accustomed to anything. Even this. I've also become a lot less annoyed about being unsure of my forward planning — basically, I'm at risk of dropping most or all of my balls in any given six-month period with little warning. Well, ok then.

So I'll be going back to my therapist in October, to help me handle the Fear, and leaning all the more on calendula_witch as the scan and consult dates approach. Watch this space for more details.

Originally published at jlake.com.