December 30th, 2005


Malapropism Monday Voting Poll Now Open

Entries for Malapropism Monday are closed. Now you get to vote for your favorite malapropism! Winner gets a copy of Rocket ScienceClarkesworld Books | Amazon ], or if they already have that book, another book written or (co)edited by me. Voting will be held open til early next week or until I get bored with it, whichever comes first. As usual, ties to be settled by the Child.

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Why Hooterville Don't Have No Prom No More

(a discussion with Ken Scholes on IM of the Malaproposism Monday poll)

KS: Nervous as a Texas Virgin on Prom Night
JL: 12 year olds go to proms?
KS: that's funny.
KS: that's what Uncle Leroy called it, anyway.
JL: PROMote PROMiscuity -- why Hooterville don't have no prom no more
JL: "Why Hooterville Don't Have No Prom No More" would be a good title
KS: Yes it would!
KS: lights in the sky, empty beer cans floating in the water tower, and it falls to the three sole members of the Robert E. Howard Appreciation Society of Hooterville to save prom.
KS: Ninja Bob, Larry Sue and Jimmy the Dutch.

Postage postage postage

davidlevine reminds us that postage rates are going up. Real Soon Now.

Did all you kiddies who submitted to Polyphony remember to put $0.39 on your SASE? Probably not, I didn't either on any of my recent lettermail submissions.

In that case, did all you kiddies put your own address on the return address corner of the envelope? So that, in effect, you're sending it to yourself? I always do that. Here's one reason why:

With the postage increase, your $0.37 envelope will be returned to sender. Guess who that is? If you put the Polyphony sub address on the upper left hand corner, it's us! Which means Your Faithful Editors either have to go buy a sheetload of $0.02 stamps and manually stamp each letter with supplemental postage (which doesn't sound too onerous til you realize this could be hundreds of envelopes), or we have to collect all the envelopes returned for insufficient postage, then apply the $0.02 stamps, and resend them.

Hey, swell! Extra trips to the post office, and out-of-pocket expense!!!

And that, kiddies, is one very good reason why your SASE should have your and only your address on the return as well as the addressee portion. That way your editors won't be forced to hate you with a petty passion.

Update: Hey, hey guys! I'm not pissed off! I actually find this kind of funny. Just making a point about submission practices, and why some fairly odd things, like markets requiring you use your own return address, are important. (FWIW, I write the market name and original submission date in the lower left hand corner of the envelope to keep myself informed in those few seconds between the time I pick up the envelope and the time I tear it open.)

Cheese for the weekend

Stopped by New Seasons whilst running errands today, picked up some new cheeses for breakfast/snack purposes over the weekend and into next week. Descriptions and more details later, but for now Collapse )

And of course, to maintain my Philistinic credentials, I also stopped by Fred Meyer for two six packs of the One True Poptart -- frosted brown sugar and cinnamon. One poptart to rule them all...

The $375 puddle

Got the Genre Car back. $375 worth of water damage to the engine. (Well, a little bit of that was two cracked vacuum hoses and the oil change I had them do.) When they opened the hood up and checked around, the air cleaner was full of water. The idle sensor-control had shorted out, which was the proximate cause of the engine failing, but several other sensors were soaked or immersed and in imminent danger of shorting out. Which would have driven the cost up above $1,000, primarily because those little suckers are expensive. Not to mention it being a miracle I hadn't gotten significant water into the combustion cycle. A good portion of my repair bill was labor hours to disassemble and clean the entire intake system and hand-dry a bunch of parts.

Moral of the story: don't drive into axle-deep puddles at 25 mph. I mean, I already knew that, and it was quite dark and I literally couldn't see the puddle (it looked like rainslick street to me). My $375 puddle.

In other news, michaeljasper got a conditional acceptance pending rewrite for a collaborative short piece. Don't suppose we'll get it together in time for that to be a 2005 acceptance, but it's still cool. I'll announce for sure when/if all is complete. Nice little lagniappe, though.