May 14th, 2009


[cancer] Getting ready to go

Very long night, thanks to the magic of Visicol. I did finish Engine Summer while camped in the small room, about which more anon. calendula_witch got to sleep well before my body would let me do the same, but since I sleep a lot less than her (or most other people, for that matter), that more or less balanced out.

Getting ready now. Mother of the Child is driving us to the clinic at 11, picking up the_child at school along the way. I'll know more this afternoon. Everybody is highly optimistic. Including me, Fear and Doubt notwithstanding.

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[links] Link salad heads down the rabbithole

Don't forget to vote for new caption contest — Some funny stuff there.

Why We Don't Accept Electronic SubmissionsF&SF

Why We Don't Accept Paper SubmissionsClarkesworld Magazine

MultitaskingArt writing guru James Gurney is at it again, with the story of a real character. Wow.

Beneath the footsteps of commasLanguage Log on Louis Aragon on literary style. A must read for writers and critics.

Milky Way Dwarf Galaxies Thwart Newtonian Gravity?In the continuing debate over the widely-accepted cold-dark-matter theory, a new study of the dwarf galazies surrounding the Milky Way has found that their arrangement appears to simultaneously require and refute the presence of dark matter. (Thanks to danjite.)

?otD: Visicol, Fleet or Go-Lytely?

Body movement: n/a (colonoscopy prep)
This morning's weigh-in: 212.2
Currently reading: The Confidence-Man: His Masquerade by Herman Melville, Engine Summer by John Crowley

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[cancer] Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the car bomb

Not a particularly successful day of followups. Colonoscopy found one medium-sized polyp, in an environment where ideally there should be no polyps, and there certainly shouldn't be polyps of any significant size. Either a small polyp was missed last year, or my colon is growing them aggressively. This implies long term or lifetime followup on a very rigorous schedule, beyond what was anticipated post-operatively, and bodes poorly for my risk factors.

Additionally, a read of last week's CAT scan from my ER admit shows spots on the liver and in several lymph nodes. While these could be imaging artefacts, or have some other significance, liver and lymph are the two metastasis pathways for colon cancer. My screening appointment tomorrow has been converted to a PET scan in an attempt to highlight potential tumor activity in those areas. Will know more from the PET scan over the weekend or early next week.

As my doctor says, this is an ambiguous result, not a negative one. Nonetheless, the Fear is making a roaring comeback in my mind. I'm growing monsters in my gut again.

calendula_witch is being magnificent. So are the_child and Mother of the Child. I just don't want to go further down this road. I'm scared and angry, and tired of being afraid.

Originally published at