June 14th, 2009

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[links] Link salad sing never never on a Sunday

mondyboy on when fandom doesn't suck

Of garbage, seagulls, civic pride, and nerdviewLanguage Log on the processes of culture and language. We have this problem in sf/f sometimes, I think.

Nails — Game? Art? Internet artifact? (Thanks to willyumtx.)

Biz Stone answers your Twitter questions

?otD: What's the name of that Journey song? You know, the one that sounds like...um...all the other Journey songs.



6/14/2009
Body movement: n/a (Took calendula_witch to the airport, will walk later)
This morning's weigh-in: 216.2
Currently reading: The Human Disguise by James O'Neil

Originally published at jlake.com.

jay-China-avatar

[writing] Endurance progriss riport, day 2

2 hours, 3,000 new words to 5,700 words. Spent the first few minutes untangled a tyro error on POV in yesterday's work which calendula_witch pointed out as she scanned the dailies. (Yes, she's reading Endurance as a serial...)

This morning whilst the_child and I dropped calendula_witch at the airport, three of us wandered into the airport Powell's. Green Powell's | Amazon ] was faced but only one book deep on the shelf. I took it to the counter to sign. The bookseller was thrilled to see me, told me how much she enjoyed the book, and that they couldn't keep it on the shelf because it kept selling. That was a nice lift before saying goodbye to my love and putting her on a plane.

Onward I go. Binge writing possible on this draft depending on how pressed for time the cancer makes me feel, but I'm aiming for the 2,500 words/2 hours per day mark for the time being. It's a hell of a deadline to have hanging over one's head.

Collapse )

Originally published at jlake.com.

travel-running_man

[travel|cancer] The next few steps

For those playing along with the home game version of "Where's Jay", the next few weeks have slipped into startling complexity. In brief:

6/15-6/19 Omaha, NE
6/19-6/25 Portland, OR
6/25-6/28 Iron Springs, WA (with calendula_witch)
6/28-6/29 Portland, OR
6/29-7/5 San Francisco, CA (with calendula_witch)
7/5-7/12 Ocean Park, WA (with the_child)

And, of course, working two hours every day on Endurance as I go along.

I'm currently scheduled to go to Omaha 7/13-7/17, then back to San Francisco 7/17-7/21, but that's all a bit iffy depending on where medical stuff goes. In that vein, I have cancer-related appointments of various kinds on 6/19, 6/22, 6/25 and 6/30. By early July we'll hopefully have a much better idea of what comes next on the cancer front, which in turn will govern whether I make it to WorldCon and so forth.

Originally published at jlake.com.

jay-China-avatar

[cancer] The edges in my head

I promised an update on the emotional journey of the past week or two, and so, here it is.

First of all, the big secret which should surprise no one. I am not brave. I am not fearless. I am an arrant, craven coward who loves my life beyond reason. The measured, thoughtful responses you've seen from about my cancer have been real, but they haven't been the whole story by a long shot.

I spent over an hour last night in calendula_witch's arms, sobbing. I cycle through outbursts of fear, grief and rage. Though in truth, most of the time I'm fine, and I can even go a day or two at a time without thinking of it. Much.

No matter what this is, it's very early stage. Even at the worst case, my personal numbers are much better than the medical statistics. As my mother said, I've never been at the center of the bell curve in my life, why would I start now? And we're a long way from worst case. The lung spot is just as likely to be a scar. The lymph activity could have been a transient infection. The liver is the most difficult to explain away, but it's also not fuly confirmed.

If I come out of this clean, I'm going to be embarrassed as hell. But embarrassed beats the hot snot out of surgery and chemo. By the same token, surgery and chemo beat the burning bile out of continuing down the cancer road untreated.

So where have I been? In some dark places and some very bright ones. My fundamental nature is quite positive. I can go pretty 'splat', but I always bounce back up. I cope by looking over the darkest edges, then walking back from there. These edges are pretty damned dark. But the love of my family and friends, of the_child and calendula_witch, of my virtual community and total strangers: that carries me a long way.

Maybe this will come out clean now, all turn into a combination of scanning errors and the mighty power of coincidence. I hope for that, but I can't afford to think it, to plan for it. That's not where the main chance lies right now. I have to look ahead and sort through what will happen next.

In other words, a short and winding road with a lot of weird emotional weather, but some very bright lights and brilliant hearts serving as my guide.

Originally published at jlake.com.