June 3rd, 2010

a-links

[links] Link salad climbs a wind-swept tower

Don't forget to check out the METAtropolis contests

Going Up: 1905 — An early photo of the Flatiron Building, home to my Toroid friends.

Battleship Island & Other Ruined Urban High-Density Sites

Detecting Single Cancer Molecules — Maybe an analogous test using this type of process will become available for colon cancer in my lifetime.

Rep. Ralph Hall’s unbelievable statement on science funding bill — More of that justly famed conservative principled consistency and intellectual honesty, all in the service of cutting science funding and reducing American competitiveness. Seriously, how do you guys sleep at night?

Removing teachers with "accented" speech? — More arrant official racism in Arizona. Nothing to see here citizen, move along. Just making Real America safe for Real Americans.

Epistemic closure on the right — Hard evidence of yet another case where the conservative worldview remains immune to inconvenient facts. Outrage is so much more fun than logic.

As Oil Arrives On MS Beaches, Will Barbour Continue To Praise BP And Mock News Coverage Of The Spill? — Reality's anti-conservative bias rears its ugly, oil-soaked head again.
?otD: What's the strangest ruin you've ever been in?



6/3/2010
Writing time yesterday: n/a (chemo exhaustion)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 8.5 (solid)
This morning's weigh-in: n/a (forgot)
Yesterday's chemo stress index: 8/10 (fatigue)
Currently (re)reading: The Light Fantastic by Terry Pratchett

writing-Nippon_badge

[conventions|repost] JayCon X

Mark your calendars now. In celebration of my natal anniversary, JayCon X, my 10th annual 37th birthday party, will be Saturday, July 3rd, from 2 to 5 pm at the Flying Pie in SE Portland. Come help me celebrate both my birthday and my successful completion of six months of chemotherapy in late June.

We're partying because I was born, and because I will have beat cancer. Again.

Flying Pie Pizzeria
7804 SE Stark Street
Portland, 97215
(503) 254-2016
http://www.flying-pie.com/
[ Google Maps ]

As is traditional for JayCon, Paul Carpentier is specifically not invited.

signs-never_give_up

[cancer] Continuing fog, with reefs

The head fog carries forward. Yesterday was a pretty tough day at the Day Jobbe, for both external and internal reasons. Afterwards for a while I was barely conscious enough to interact with mikigarrison and kenscholes. Even the arrival of calendula_witch didn't get me out of my chair. I continue unusually hard of thinking. Not to mention exhausted. Every time I think I've hit a bottom, there's a new bottom. Chemotherapy is like cloud diving without a parachute.

Another issue has cropped up, one I find quite disturbing. I've mentioned before that I'm not blocked in the classic sense of writer's blocked so much as too exhausted to focus my creativity. A day or two ago, I re-read "Permanent Fatal Errors", a Sunspin story of mine that is included in the excellent anthology, Is Anybody Out There?. I didn't recognize the story. The writing struck me as very good, and as something I had no idea how to do. It was quite literally as if I were reading a piece by another writer for the first time. And I had the feeling that I couldn't do that again if you paid me. (So to speak.)

This is deeply frightening.

I'm not foolish. There's nothing wrong with my meta-analysis. Chemo is messing with my head in a big way lately, on top of months of exhaustion and slow decay. But subjectively, this is the first time in over ten years that I can't find Fred somewhere inside my head. My inner writer has skipped out.

Of all the thefts and treacheries of cancer, this is the worst. Of all the other issues that bedevil me, this is the worst. My logical self knows Fred will be back once the drugs loosen their grip, maybe even sooner. My emotional self is, well, being emotional.

I hate this. Hate hate hate.