April 25th, 2011


[links] Link salad goes wild

A reader reacts to Escapement — Quite positively so.

Archaïsmes désuets — The French blog Anniceris on zeppelins in steampunk.

The High Water Mark of American Science — Inside the old SSCL site in Texas. This came up over the weekend at Norwescon. (Snurched from Dark Roasted Blend.)

The Really Smart PhoneResearchers are harvesting a wealth of intimate detail from our cellphone data, uncovering the hidden patterns of our social lives, travels, risk of disease—even our political views.

Casio Watches an Arresting Offense in Afghanistan: Wikileaks on Guantanamo — It's always nice to see America's reputation for justice being substantiated.

Of Donald, Dunces and Dogma[Trump's candidacy] further exacerbates a corrosive culture on the right that now celebrates the Cult of Idiocy — from Glenn Beck to Michele Bachmann — where riling liberals is more valuable than reason and logic, and where intellectualism and even basic learnedness are viewed with suspicion and contempt. Yeah, that's the modern Republican party in a nutshell.

Wounded Elephant Screechings — Republicans and the budget. More on the justly famed principled intellectual consistency of our friends on the Right.

?otD: Have you ever ridden an elephant?

Writing time yesterday: 0.0 hours (convention day)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 7.0 hours (solid)
Weight: 246.0
Currently reading: Nifft the Lean by Michael Shea


[cancer] Settling into a different mind

Norwescon weekend was both rewarding and difficult for me. While I was there, I received an outpouring of love and support from both dear friends and total strangers. But I also found myself uncharacteristically withdrawn, overwhelmed, fatigued. I can already see my healthy mindset melting away and my patient mindset asserting itself in the fog of medical stress.

The habits of illness are so close to the surface for me these days.

Not much is going to happen here until Wednesday's appointment with the liver surgeon, and the first real checkpoint is the port reimplantation on May 10th or 11th. My cancer isn't advanced enough for me to be experiencing direct symptoms. All of this is stuff inside my head and heart.

Also, re-entering the cancer space is reigniting my difficult emotions around the departure of [info]calendula_witch from my life. She made a different choice than I would have preferred, as is very much her privilege. I've been doing a good job of moving on, but I can already tell that my repeated journey through chemotherapy and surgery will be triggering powerful memories, regrets and far more negative feelings. I'm taking this next journey through hell without a love of the heart close to hand, without a life partner.

Cancer is a lonely house in which to dwell even when one is bonded. I am not looking forward to finding out how much more lonely it will be without her.

At least she's free of it this time.

So much churn in my head and heart, and I am only at the beginning of another miserably difficult year-long pasage. I so very badly do not want to do this again.