April 9th, 2012


[links] Link salad rises up earlie in the morning

Finding an Agent — Lucienne Diver.

Reference to humans with this and that — This kind of language neepery fascinates me.

NASA's 1966 plan for a mission to Mars

A Closer Look at the Titan Airplane

Parasite Insights: Using Lice To Map Socialization — This is both interestingly cool and rather hilarious.

Wisconsin Equal Pay Law Repealed Because “Money Is More Important For Men” — Yeah, conservative ethics. (Thanks to [info]danjite.)

Gingrich says it's not yet time to end campaign — Hahaha.

Why Rick Santorum won't stop — Hahaha.

The Right Flames the Volt"There are so many legitimate things to criticize Obama about. It is inexplicable that the right would feel the need to tell lies about the Volt to attack the president." (Snurched from Steve Buchheit.)

Republicans Are Still the Party of Insolvency and Imperialism — Anyone voting Republican in the forthcoming presidential election is flatly ignoring the bald facts of what happened the last time we had Republican rule in this country in favor of bizarre, fetishistic fantasies about Obama's alleged beliefs and actions.

?otd: What do you do with a drunken sailor, anyway?

Writing time yesterday: 1.25 hours (2,600 words on Their Currents Turn Awry)
Body movement: 30 minute stationary bike ride
Hours slept: 7.75 (solid)
Weight: 239.8
Currently reading: The Bone Doll's Twin by Lynn Flewelling


[cancer] Watching the avalanche rumble

After my semi-epic meltdown of Saturday night, I flew pretty low Sunday. Which wasn't hard, I only had one piece of programming at Norwescon, and then skeedaddled for home and a late afternoon Easter dinner with my parents, [info]lillypond and the Niece. ([info]the_child remained behind in Seattle with friends.)

I've slept pretty well, which is usually emotionally restorative for me. This morning I still feel drained, flat and melancholy. Most of the issues I can point to are things I know I'd deal with pretty well if I were in my normal energy state. The real pressure on everything in truth revolves around next week's tests and oncology consultations.

A bargain I need to make with myself this week is not to take things too seriously and not to make any major decisions until after I've cleared next week's hurdles. As I've noted here a number of times before, waiting to know what happens next is the hardest part of this process for me. There's something oddly comforting about having a definitive diagnosis, even if it's a bad diagnosis. Certainly that seems to be more cope-able for me personally than this Schrödinger's tumor of mine.

Overwhelming dread and fear are not conducive to solid emotional thinking.

I am rock bottom pessimistic about what will happen next. This is a statement of my emotional outlook, not a viewpoint based on clinical data. I just seem to keep drawing the joker from the deck over and over on this cancer progression. "Relentless" would be a good word to describe how it feels to me, albeit slow enough that we have time to deal with each outbreak. I feel the relentlessness now. I can watch the avalanche rumble, though so far all I've experienced are the emotional foreshocks.

So much more to come.


[conventions] Norwescon Day Four

Well, that was an easy day. Woke up, worked out, spent some time with [info]lizzyshannon, packed, checked out, loaded the car with the help of [info]the_child, hit the panel on book covers which was oh so ably managed by John Picacio, with supporting roles from Jack Skillingstead, Mary Robinette Kowal and me, then hit the road for home.

I hadn't expected to write much if at all yesterday, but I did managed 75 minutes in back seat of Irene Radford's car, pulling out 2,600 words of Their Currents Turn Awry. Given my state of mind and body, I doubt they're very good words, but that's what revision is for.

My next writerly appearances are a DAW reading in Seattle on the evening of May 10th, then the Paradise Lost conference the week after that in San Antonio. For now, I'm staying home, working on the book, and trying to keep my happy ass out of the oncology ward.