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Jay Lake
Date: 2009-12-30 08:09
Subject: [personal] This and that, and an old year fading
Security: Public
Tags:calendula, california, cancer, child, culture, health, personal, religion, writing
Walked up Twin Peaks this morning here in San Francisco. For various reasons, this will almost certainly be the last time I make that walk from the Witchnest. We're out to the coast for a few days tomorrow, then I'm home to Nuevo Rancho Lake and chemotherapy, while calendula_witch's lease is up soon and she will likely be moving on from this particular address long before I'm free to travel again. It was very good of my lungs to check in and represent on this walk — two or three days ago, I wouldn't have bet they could handle it. Only a little off pace, too, and I made it all the way up without stopping for breath. Saw one skunk, smelled another, stopped to take some night shots with the big camera. We'll see what I got.

calendula_witch, markferrari and I are taking the_child to the Natural History Museum at the California Academy of Science this morning. That's close enough to the Witchnest to be a nice walk, but in the interests of managing my energy, we're going to be profligate and drive. I'll be making lunch for the four of us after, then taking the_child to the airport for her flight home to Portland and her mom.

Tomorrow we're heading for the coast to spend time with calendula_witch's brilliant aunt, the European-American artist Susan Dutton, possibly dropping off the grid completely until Saturday evening, as both Internet and cell access are uncertain where we're going. If I drop off the Internet for a couple of days, don't worry that I've been eaten by a grue. (Unless, of course, I have been eaten by a grue, but presumably calendula_witch would spread the word in that case.)

Otherwise I hope to get a year-in-review post up this evening or tomorrow morning. Likewise, blzblack, cathshaffer, and daveraines have been discussing Faith with me in comments over here in such a way that I want to reframe some of my basic stance on this. I owe the three of them a much richer and more thoughtful response than time has permitted me these past couple of days, so watch for a post there as well.

As for the 900 pound gorilla in my world right now, chemotherapy, well... I'm just living my life right now. A week from Friday, I go down the rabbithole until July. I'm scared spitless, determined to be strong, and I know I will win. For the most part, I've been keeping the worries, depressions and fears at bay, as well as the Fear. (Which has, frankly, been much less of a monster for me since I've gotten down to the nuts-and-bolt details...) It's out there, it's real, but I'm enjoying my child, my love and my vacation in California before I jump into that pool of toxic waste.

What's on your mind for the new year? What are you doing to ring out the old?

Post A Comment | 7 Comments | | Flag | Link

User: leela_cat
Date: 2009-12-30 16:29 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Your strength in facing your fears head-on, admitting to them, and forging on ahead with life is one of those things that makes me smile whenever I read these. It's bittersweet, because you're one of those people who live larger than life in my memory after the few times we've met.

As for this change of year, I'm working on appreciating the people in my life. And I'll be spending it quietly with the partner chick (as wel always do).
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2009-12-30 17:33 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'll probably be posting my own year-end summary, but in part, getting over my current dread of the Day Jobbe, dealing with the issues there, and moving on to get back on the writing and submissions track is crucial.

As for ringing out the old, DH and I are going to two Railroad Earth concerts--one tonight at the Crystal (yuck, I do NOT like the Crystal Ballroom any more) and New Year's Eve at the Aladdin (yay!). New Year's Day is dedicated to letting DH watch the Ducks in the Rose Bowl. I'm making no predictions, just opining that my experience is that the Ducks have perfected the skill of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory (yeah, I'm a Eugene native, this summarizes 52 years of life with football fandom, first with father/brothers, then with DH).
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User: shaolingrrl
Date: 2009-12-30 20:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
The Shockmonster is stuck in Fort Wayne until the 5th (don't get me started about AA) so my New Year will probably be much like my Christmas was. :-}
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2009-12-31 13:06 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)

You going to be at Dave and Spring's party on Saturday?
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User: shaolingrrl
Date: 2009-12-31 15:01 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I could be but wasn't sure yet--there aren't likely to be a lot of people I know very well, and that's not really a good time for me.

Are you?
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User: catsparx
Date: 2009-12-30 21:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'll be burning a wicker man in my backyard... this year has totally sucked arse.
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shelly_rae: Raku
User: shelly_rae
Date: 2009-12-31 01:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Toss something in for me please. This year needs some burning.
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