Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[cancer] Peripheral neuropathy and emotional anatomy

This third post-infusion round is being characterized by a somewhat gentler shedding phase today, though still mightily disruptive. I also seem to have more peripheral neuropathy when I am not especially careful about cold exposure. I believe this is expected, but it continues annoying. And for some reason my sense of my own body temperature has been a bit off today. I keep feeling hot when in fact I am not objectively so.

Had lunch with kenscholes. This is normally a weekly habit of ours, but between his baby twins and my chemo, we've perforce sadly neglected this habit. In the course of catching up, he made a very interesting observation about me and chemo which I would probably never have come to on my own. kenscholes pointed out that chemo has forced me to behave like a hard core introvert, when in fact I am a very strong extrovert. This means that my daily behaviors, enforced by my reactions to the chemo and my associated energy levels, are directly contrary to meeting my emotional and social needs.

For some people, including kenscholes and calendula_witch, a lot of time lying around quietly at home would be a blessing. For others, such as me or shelly_rae, it feels like house arrest. This makes me wonder what portion of my coping-with-chemo struggles are in fact a function of my nigh-pathological extroversion being seriously frustrated. I stagnate alone. Right now I'm cut off from work travel, convention travel, most social functions, and even many of my casual day-to-day contacts. I simply hadn't thought of it in these terms until kenscholes pointed it out.

Much to consider. Maybe further wisdom shall emerge from this.

In other news, calendula_witch will be here tomorrow, then off to RadCon on Friday. shelly_rae arrives Friday, and stays through Sunday, while calendula_witch returns then from points RadConian. fjm arrives Monday for a visit, too. Hooray for company!

Tags: calendula, cancer, conventions, health, personal, shellyrae, work
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