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[cancer] Peripheral neuropathy and emotional anatomy - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2010-02-10 19:24
Subject: [cancer] Peripheral neuropathy and emotional anatomy
Security: Public
Tags:calendula, cancer, conventions, health, personal, shellyrae, work
This third post-infusion round is being characterized by a somewhat gentler shedding phase today, though still mightily disruptive. I also seem to have more peripheral neuropathy when I am not especially careful about cold exposure. I believe this is expected, but it continues annoying. And for some reason my sense of my own body temperature has been a bit off today. I keep feeling hot when in fact I am not objectively so.

Had lunch with kenscholes. This is normally a weekly habit of ours, but between his baby twins and my chemo, we've perforce sadly neglected this habit. In the course of catching up, he made a very interesting observation about me and chemo which I would probably never have come to on my own. kenscholes pointed out that chemo has forced me to behave like a hard core introvert, when in fact I am a very strong extrovert. This means that my daily behaviors, enforced by my reactions to the chemo and my associated energy levels, are directly contrary to meeting my emotional and social needs.

For some people, including kenscholes and calendula_witch, a lot of time lying around quietly at home would be a blessing. For others, such as me or shelly_rae, it feels like house arrest. This makes me wonder what portion of my coping-with-chemo struggles are in fact a function of my nigh-pathological extroversion being seriously frustrated. I stagnate alone. Right now I'm cut off from work travel, convention travel, most social functions, and even many of my casual day-to-day contacts. I simply hadn't thought of it in these terms until kenscholes pointed it out.

Much to consider. Maybe further wisdom shall emerge from this.

In other news, calendula_witch will be here tomorrow, then off to RadCon on Friday. shelly_rae arrives Friday, and stays through Sunday, while calendula_witch returns then from points RadConian. fjm arrives Monday for a visit, too. Hooray for company!

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calendula_witch: Tattoo
User: calendula_witch
Date: 2010-02-11 03:36 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Tattoo
I'm leaving...on a jet plane.... :-)
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Jay Lake: travel-jet_engine
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-02-11 03:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:travel-jet_engine
But you do know when you'll be back again...
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shelly_rae: Spoons
User: shelly_rae
Date: 2010-02-11 03:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Spoons
We'll keep your dance card full. Perhaps Skype will help some with the extroverting.
Anon
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Elizabeth Coleman
User: criada
Date: 2010-02-11 04:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yes, Skype! Get someone to project you on a wall at Radcon.
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Elizabeth Coleman
User: criada
Date: 2010-02-11 04:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
There's also something to be said for the benefits of this introversion. Jung liked to talk about mid-life crises as the time we finally start exploring and integrating our neglected personality functions. That said, I'm not sure how the voluntary vs involuntary aspect affects things. But undoubtedly, it's up to you whether it will expand your mind or just make you bitter. Knowing you, I'm betting on the former.
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scarlettina
User: scarlettina
Date: 2010-02-11 05:45 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm all set up on Skype anytime you want company, babe. And I'm happy to provide in-person company if it's so desired.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-02-11 14:27 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Skype just doesn't scratch that inner itch, yanno? Sigh.
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The NewroticGirl
User: newroticgirl
Date: 2010-02-11 06:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Also happy to provide in-person company if you need it!
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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2010-02-11 11:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
That's a very wise observation by KS, and it sounds like he is indeed on to something. I'm another introvert, but I've had very long periods of almost no contact at all due to my former job and I do know that feeling of stir-craziness. It was pre-broadband, and I found that I just lived by my radio -- the voices on it became company very strongly, and I had a deep investment in them. I wonder if a web-cam and audio-link so you can chat from home might help? (Plus, you know, if you want someone to talk to in the middle of the night, it would be day over here and I work from home -- I can email you my telephone number if you wish.)

Edited at 2010-02-11 11:54 am (UTC)
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Gary Emenitove
User: garyomaha
Date: 2010-02-11 13:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This brought something to mind. jaylake does not watch TV. For many, the TV is the social outlet in their lives (albeit more of an inlet). TV might help some better cope with the situation, but what does Jay have available to fill the need when warm bodies are not present? (Yes, the aforementioned Skype is a possibility!)
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-02-11 14:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you. I really appreciate it. Ideally, I'm sleeping then, but it doesn't always work that way.

As for Skype, it has its uses, but hardly scratches my people itch any more than a phone call does. Face to face for me...
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