Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake

[cancer] In which I am once again defeated by life

Woke up this morning after a good night's sleep feeling fairly decent. Other than my morning trip to the Apple store for the iPad problems, I had a free day ahead of me. My energy was high. No medical crises were in evidence. I planned to log some hours on Endurance and just generally get back into writing after a multiweek absence due to stress and fatigue.

Instead, chemobrain decided to present me with a full scale emotional meltdown. I'll spare you the details, but I wound up going back to bed for an hour, and have been miserable and frazzled ever since.

Guess what? Another day without writing. I've been able to divert myself some with the iPad business, but quite frankly I continue to feel like crap. Angry, resentful, cranky and deeply antisocial. As anyone who's spent more than five or ten minutes with me can attest, these are not my usual behaviors by a long shot. And of course, Not Writing only reinforces my negative feelings.

Cripes I hate this. Seven more weeks til I begin to see some relief.

Tags: cancer, health, ipad, personal, process, writing

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