Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[cancer] Another week, heading into infusion session nine

This past weekend was characterized by emotional stress and massive GI failure. One of my historical responses to stress (ie, since I was a kid) is a guts-to-water reaction that leads to numerous fairly violent liquid bowel movements accompanied by some truly incredible olfactory cues. The stress can even be a good stress; for example, it's happened to me on dates. Which as you might imagine is just utterly charming. My doctor said years ago that my colon is where I carry everything bad that happens to me. Some people get headaches or nausea or nerves as a stress response, I get the shits.

Emotional stress on chemo seems to intersect with the chemo's already exaggerated tendency to GI wonkiness in a spectacularly unpleasant way. Yesterday was not good, neither was last night overnight. Today doesn't promise any better. I've settled down in terms of my surface affect, but the undermind and lizard brain have not yet let go of yesterday's emotional meltdown. And of course, all of this then intersects with the overwhelming fatigue in annoying ways.

Seven more weeks. Seven more weeks. (Not that the chemo side effects magically stop then, but once the infusions are over they begin to taper off. I won't be 'normal' til September, probably, but sometime in July I'll start to feel a hell of a lot better.)

Tags: cancer, health, personal
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