Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[cancer] Retreat from the ragged edge

As noted previously, yesterday was pretty much handcrafted of USDA grade A failure. My utter lack of sleep Monday night caused me to pretty much turn into a wax dummy by about 10 am. For the second time since this whole thing started, I had to take unscheduled sick time. (As opposed to the infusion sessions, which are pre-planned.) maclarke2005 came by a while, as did my parents, and the_child spent a couple of hours here. I fairly much do need to be watched over when I'm that messed up, because I have a tendency to do goofy things like forget to eat, which is bad.

Did sleep well last night, even if I was dreaming of scalzi, cats, and a post-apocalyptic art school. Ah, the wells of imagination are drilled deep into my subconscious.

As for the past few days, other than the sleep issues, lower GI restart was holy hell, too. I've been taking Senekot (a stool softener) mornings and evenings starting a few days before the infusion, because I've noted sometimes the shutdown comes early. I can only attribute that to pre-infusion stress, as there's no medical reason for my GI to quit prior to the drugs hitting me. This got me through Friday (infusion day one) with some lower GI activity. This is good, because the fewer days I'm shut down, the less miserable the recovery, in general. One cycle I was shut down for five days, and that was truly horrendous to recover from.

I even restarted on Sunday this cycle, which is pretty unusual. But even with the Senekot, the movements have been pretty brutal. And somewhat unusually, even as they built up in frequency and volume — eight yesterday and overnight, amounting to shall we say a quite considerable net volume — they didn't get any easier. This led to a lot of serious discomfort and not a little cussing.

Every time I think I understand this process and how my body handles it, things juke a different way. One more, then I can climb out. Otherwise I'd be on my way to bed-ridden.

I swear I'm walking away from this damned trainwreck with my head held high.

Tags: cancer, child, dreams, family, health, personal
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