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Jay Lake
Date: 2010-07-27 05:08
Subject: [cancer] The feet, the future
Security: Public
Tags:books, calendula, california, cancer, endurance, health, omaha, personal, travel, writing
Yesterday's travel was interesting. First time I'd been on a plane since visiting calendula_witch in California last December, prior to starting chemo. The air in the aircraft cabin is so cold that my hands were in pain. Otherwise I handled the trip pretty well, though I did get asked several times why I was wearing a hat and gloves in July.

Went for a walk here in Omaha this morning. Managed 40 minutes, or about 2 miles at my current reduced pace. Saw a rabbit and some fireflies, heard the nighthawks peeping, and several other birds I could not identify. By the time I got back to my hotel room, my feet were practically on fire with tingling. The magic of peripheral neuropathy.

I do not expect to be especially productive in writing the next few days. Simply too much going on here, with all-day meetings at Day Jobbe and after-hours events these next three days. I plan to get at least an hour a day in, but we'll see. Back on the horse this coming Friday. Endurance is on target, as are the bits and pieces of other projects I still have to deal with.

Spent some time talking with my friend the night clerk here this morning. As I said to him (and have said to others recently), I don't really mind the apparent resurgence of cancer. I think I've come to identify myself as a person-with-cancer, and this will be who I am from now on, even in periods of medical quietude. I'm not too torqued about the probability of more surgery. Surgery is a single event from which one recovers, and this will likely be a less disruptive surgery than the last two. But to lose another six or eight months of my life to chemo... Ah, me. Such a hideous and terrible proposition.

I'm doing a pretty good job of staying positive, but sometimes it just rolls over me.

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User: maurinestarkey
Date: 2010-07-27 12:23 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Fireflies. You got to see fireflies. They are such a wonder.

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it's a great life, if you don't weaken
User: matociquala
Date: 2010-07-27 12:31 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
It's okay to scream a little too.
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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2010-07-27 12:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You are amazing. As ever.
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2010-07-27 14:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Amazing what you can adapt to, isn't it?

I hope for nothing but good news for you from here on out.

So what did you say about the hat and gloves?
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User: randy_smith2
Date: 2010-07-27 18:05 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Jay, I think you are handling all of this very well. Hang in there. Of course, you also get to be in Omaha which I always think of as a plus. You would have just missed OSFest, but I know you're there for your Day Jobbe and not a con.
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User: martianmooncrab
Date: 2010-07-27 20:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
When I went to a chronic pain management course, I met some interesting people. What amazed me was the ones who ajusted to their "new best friend" and those that had anger and resentment rolling off of them. The ability for quality of life rested in each persons attitude.

That, and coping, being able to cope with the bad days is priceless. One is also allowed days off from dealing with it all.
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Valya Dudycz Lupescu
User: valya_dl
Date: 2010-07-28 05:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
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my journal
January 2014
2012 appearances