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Jay Lake
Date: 2010-09-30 16:20
Subject: [cancer] The living dream of water
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, personal
Had a random memory jump out at me today.

Surgical sedation and the post-op meds tend to induce a pretty thorough retrograde amnesia. I am certain this is a Very Good Thing. But every now and then something bobs to the surface. I remember, for example, trying to explain to the ICU nurse that she and I had just been moving the sofa in my hospital room around. (What sofa? Me?) I'm sure they hear a lot of that stuff.

So today I recalled some post-op point where I had not yet been permitted anything by mouth. Hydration was intravenous. And I was dying for a drink of water. I begged for some water, and they finally gave me one of those little cups of ice and a spoon. Someone, I can't remember who, spooned the ice in. Somewhere in there, I got a sip of water.

Water, in my mouth, then, was like seeing God.

That sense of delight and amazement and revelation and humbling, all at once, came tumbling back today. So odd, how important some things become.

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User: cuddlycthulhu
Date: 2010-09-30 23:28 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I know what you're talking about. I had some surgery done about two years ago (nothing as serious as what you went through) and when I got out I was dying for a drink. They gave me a 7-up with a straw and that was the best fucking 7-up I'll ever have.
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markbourne: choco heart
User: markbourne
Date: 2010-09-30 23:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:choco heart
I sooooo identify, having had ICU moments like that last year. The first bits of ice. The first sip. The first food once the stomach tube was removed (puréed -- thoroughly -- eggs and sausage for breakfast, but it was the first food of ANY sort to cross my taste buds in six weeks, so it was the food of the gods). I came to with a craving for Diet Coke (go fig), so when I eventually, FINALLY got some ... oh, man. Tonguegasm.

So odd, how important some things become.

Yes. And they won't ever be quite so unimportant again.
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it's a great life, if you don't weaken
User: matociquala
Date: 2010-10-01 00:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
The first two days I was in the hospital on IV with my kidney infection, I was allowed nothing by mouth, because they were worried my kidneys were going to fail. So I (after a week or working up a good case of dehydration from being fevered and unable to keep anything down) was being hydrated by IV and could have no water. Not even ice chips.

Lemon swabs.

Thirty-one years later, I still remember how much those lemon swabs did not cut it...

Love ya, man.

Edited at 2010-10-01 12:52 am (UTC)
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User: goulo
Date: 2010-10-01 07:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Interesting stuff, sleepy dozy dreamy hallucinations. They happen to some people even without drugs, if they are deep sleepers who wake up slowly. :)

E.g. a couple weeks ago Anna was waking up slowly from a nap, and I was trying to wake her up for dinner (we planned to cook corn). She insisted she was already awake, and asked me if I had taken the corn to the bridge. I asked "What?!" She repeated that I should take the corn to the bridge. We went back and forth like that a couple times, then I laughed and said, "Oh, you're still half-asleep and dreaming..." She got indignant and insisted that she was awake and certainly not dreaming. I was amused and asked "Ok then, what bridge?" She impatiently said "The bridge over the river!" as if that should be totally obvious. I asked "What river?" She started to try explaining which river, then the dawn of realization came over her and she woke up a bit more and laughingly agreed "OK, you're right, I was asleep." The whole conversation was in Esperanto, by the way, and now "maizo al la ponto" has become a catch-phrase for us. :)
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User: sheelangig
Date: 2010-10-01 14:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)

Careful with the "God" business, with your readers, could be dangerous.

Yeah, sedation is weird. I remember arguing with someone about the paint color on the wall. It was awful. I also remember having told the surgeon that I wanted to SEE this horrible thing that had me on the table, and when showed a fistful of what looked like chicken fat, reacted like a tiny child; "Eeeeewwww!".

In the past week or so, your voice is coming back. I am so pleased for all your good news.
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User: tillyjane
Date: 2010-10-01 19:26 (UTC)
Subject: ice in my mouth like god
That was ICU, and me on the other end of the spoon. I remember it well, you smiled at me. Love you, S
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