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[cancer] Looking back and forward - Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2010-10-15 03:51
Subject: [cancer] Looking back and forward
Security: Public
Tags:books, calendula, cancer, child, family, health, kalimpura, personal, shellyrae, writing
There's obviously a lot of transition going in my head and heart right now. In my life as a whole, I suppose.

Physically, I feel better right now than I have since right before the lung surgery in November, 2009. After spending months waking up every day feeling, at best, like I just got over a dreadful flu the day before (and those were the good days), I now wake up feeling like I partied too late the night before. Not hung over, just worn. The dissolving stitches itch, the scars kick up sometimes, fatigue still stalks me but without overwhelming. Honestly, I feel so damned good, and it gets better almost every day.

Emotionally and mentally, this has been quite a week, as noted. I lost a few days, so won't be starting Kalimpura until this weekend or early next week. Not a crisis, but I am a bit disappointed in myself. calendula_witch and I are doing an extraordinary amount of talking right now by way of relationship maintenance and post-chemo re-entry into the fullness of my personal life. It's not pretty, but it's loving.

I would not have gotten here today without a hell of a lot of love from a lot of people. calendula_witch herself, first and foremost, of course. shelly_rae, who poured an enormous amount of love and affection and attention into me in my most desperate hours of need. My mom (tillyjane), dad and step-mom. the_child and her mother. My friends and loved ones in Portland and all around the world. You, reading here today.

Thank you, all of you. You helped me hang in long enough to do what I'm doing right now: get my life back.

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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2010-10-15 11:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Take care.
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fledgist
User: fledgist
Date: 2010-10-15 11:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Love is to be seized with both hands.

Thank you, Jay. Your posts have been a huge encouragement to me.
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Jay Lake: graffiti-smiling
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-10-15 13:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:graffiti-smiling
You are most welcome, sir. I am glad I can be of some help.
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Michael Curry: alton
User: mcurry
Date: 2010-10-15 14:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:alton
So glad you're able to continue down the road to having your life back, even if that road is being kind of rough [can I now be crowned King of Understatement?] at times.
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Elizabeth Coleman
User: criada
Date: 2010-10-15 14:46 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Off topic, Joe Haldeman is questioning the usefulness of the large intestine, having been without his for a while now. I suggested that you might have a good perspective on that.
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Keikaimalu
User: keikaimalu
Date: 2010-10-15 16:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Good to see you doing better, Jay. You write eloquently and movingly, whether of the bad times or the good.
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bram452
User: bram452
Date: 2010-10-15 18:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
A while back, the Darling Wife was reading some stuff about coping mechanism -- which ones seemed to work best, which were toxic, things like that. One of the the ones that particularly stuck with me was kicking the can down the road. When things are for crap, one of the *healthy* things folks do is table things until they have the resources and focus to address them. Our phrase for it is "Screw it if it's not happening right now." But the caveat is that then, later on, you actually have to go back and deal, right? Take it back off the table.

When we came out of our season in hell, there was a certain backlog, shall we call it? Mostly it's sorted out now, but not completely. We still pull things off the table sometimes when we realize they're there.

That and we hired someone else to clean the garage.

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Elspeth
User: evaleastaristev
Date: 2010-10-15 18:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
*internet hugs and love*

You're welcome. And I hope that getting your life back doesn't take too long, and that the road paved with love isn't too hard to travel. I'll hope to see you at next year's NorWesCon, waking up early to go on a walk with you.
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User: beth_bernobich
Date: 2010-10-15 20:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:doggie
*hugs*
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