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Jay Lake
Date: 2010-10-24 07:52
Subject: [personal] Life in the pressure cooker
Security: Public
Tags:calendula, cancer, child, family, health, healthcare, personal, writing
Over at the hospital at 5 am this morning to sit with tillyjane for a while. She is barely mobile and in a lot of discomfort, but recovering nicely. They may discharge her as early as Tuesday. We're still getting a handle on how to manage her care at home.

Yesterday I was thinking about what to tell my therapist when I see him this coming week. Over the past two weeks, exactly so counting back from today, I and the people I love have experienced:
  • A major relationship crisis with calendula_witch as our respective chemo stress finally unloaded abruptly and overwhelmingly

  • That same relationship crisis extending to her connection with markferrari as both cause and effect

  • tillyjane (a/k/a my mom) going in the course of five days from ordinary health to major, life-changing surgery

  • The return of the Fear over tomorrow's cancer scans; and my abject terror that they will find more spots and I'll be back on the surgery/chemo trail again

  • the_child turning thirteen, with a great deal of the stereotypical transition drama actually occurring in real life

  • A total shut down of my writing productivity due to stress, which is almost unheard of for me

  • Two straight weeks of travel and being away from home while this was all happening

Why has my head not yet exploded like a pumpkin filled with acetylene?

Post A Comment | 14 Comments | | Flag | Link

User: jtdiii
Date: 2010-10-24 14:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Avoid the pumpkin on acetylene...

For the Dorm Halloween party in college, one room set up a pumpkin, that shot flames using a spark gap and a blast of acetylene. Unfortunately at one point something dropped on the spark gap causing it to short for several minutes and there was a build up of acetylene.

When it next triggered, the resulting explosion left pumpkin goo all over the dorm room. Not fun to clean up...
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User: fjm
Date: 2010-10-24 15:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Remember we love you.
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User: jwjohnson
Date: 2010-10-24 15:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My heart goes out to you again. Your strength amazes me. Inspirational, really.
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David D. Levine
User: davidlevine
Date: 2010-10-24 15:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Why has my head not yet exploded like a pumpkin filled with acetylene?

Because you are made of tougher stuff than pumpkins. Hang in there, and remember that we're all here for you.
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User: twilight2000
Date: 2010-10-24 18:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
What davidlevine said - I can't say it better.
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2010-10-24 15:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
There's something about the past two weeks that is bringing Stuff to a head, and big time. BTDT...even as I type.

Hugs for strength in carrying on and through. You and yours will survive to make it through, with shining colors.

The writing will come back. It's not surprising that it's being cranky after all this stuff.
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shelly_rae: Texas Long Horn
User: shelly_rae
Date: 2010-10-24 16:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Texas Long Horn
We either deal or we don't. It's never a matter of how well we do it. Sometimes it's ugly like the first on your list and sometimes it's all the other days.
But I know nothing about that. (where is that sarcasm emote?)
Be well.
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User: voidampersand
Date: 2010-10-24 16:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Why has my head not yet exploded like a pumpkin filled with acetylene?

Because you haven't met your match yet?
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Jay Lake: funny-buddahomer
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-10-24 17:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
It is to groan...
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User: voidampersand
Date: 2010-10-24 18:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Seriously, I'm glad you're dealing with this stuff in such a forthright way. It's not easy.
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Gary Emenitove
User: garyomaha
Date: 2010-10-24 18:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
A hearty thumbs-up from the pun-o-meter.
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User: mevennen
Date: 2010-10-24 18:27 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Well, it may well explode yet, but if it does, you will, like Humpty Dumpty, just have to put it back together again. Which you will also.

There's a thing the universe does, which is fucking irritating: never rains but pours. Shortly after C died, my car packed up, the central heating packed up (in winter), and there was a gas leak in the house next door which nearly blew us sky high. The universe's ass is ripe for a kicking when this sort of thing occurs.
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User: catsparx
Date: 2010-10-24 20:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Why has my head not yet exploded like a pumpkin filled with acetylene?

because you're a superhero is why. XX
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User: anghara
Date: 2010-10-24 21:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Jay, frankly, the stuff you've been through over this year alone, it would have been surprising if some of the things you've been keeping a lid on DIDN'T blow up...

I do hope that everything settles back down again in your universe, though, and quickly. My husband tells me that I wouldn't want a totally calm life because that would be, you know, BORING. But in every life, every so often, a little boring should come, if only to recharge you for the tempests to come. I wish you calm.

As for the writing... it'll come. When the somewhat fraught reality in your headspace makes room for "mere" fiction again. You're *Jay*. You will write again.

Sending good wishes -
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