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Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2010-12-31 13:01
Subject: [memes] Ten Things I've Done That You (Probably) Haven't
Security: Public
Tags:funny, memes, personal, travel
Pace John Scalzi and Mary Robinette Kowal, here are ten things I've done that you (probably) haven't.

  • Been thrashed by Amy Carter in croquet

  • Climbed down inside a classical Greek tomb through a hole in the ground

  • Held a lion cub in my arms

  • Flown deep into the Gobi Desert aboard an Antonov-17 (not the most frightening flight of my life, amazingly enough)

  • Flooded a moving car with raw sewage

  • Wrote a hot check to a recently-paroled murderer

  • Asked a truckload of heavily armed men in a Third World country for directions, well after midnight on a very lonely road, and not woken up later in a shallow grave

  • Been bitten by a pig

  • Eaten live eel soup

  • Walked on the Arctic ice

  • Fought a fatal porn fire

  • Been sent home from the hospital with a piece of my own colon in formaldehyde


Ok, so that was twelve. I couldn't figure out which one of my favorites to cut...

What are some of the weirdest or most unusual things you've done?

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anghara
User: anghara
Date: 2010-12-31 21:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Not Amy Carter, but I went to school with the daughters of TWO African presidents/statesmen - the daughter of President Kenneth Kaunda of Zambia and Zinzi Mandela.

Haven't eaten live eel soup but have choked down a fried grasshopper. ONCE.

ANd yes, I also held a lion cub in my arms.

(and I have to ask... what in blazes (so to speak) is a "fatal porn fire"?...)
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-12-31 21:15 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
(and I have to ask... what in blazes (so to speak) is a "fatal porn fire"?...)

A fire fueled by burning pornography in which a person was killed...
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(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-12-31 21:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I have handled Martian and Lunar meteorites, though they were of course encased in protective plastic at the time.
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e_bourne
User: e_bourne
Date: 2010-12-31 21:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Wrong! I have:

Held a lion cub in my arms.

Asked a truckload of armed men in a third world country for directions after midnight on a lonely road and not ended up (raped) or in a shallow grave.

Been bitten by a pig.

Walked on arctic ice.

Have you:

worked for the mafia
been an artist's model
talked with Jack Nicholson about his horses
model fur hot pants
work for a pornographer
stood in a carillon as the bells are being played
watched the ice break up in a river in the arctic circle
hold a stranger's hand as they die
watch all the lights in the world go off from your roof (or so it seemed) and then survive the apocalypse afterwards
keep someone from dying





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Keikaimalu
User: keikaimalu
Date: 2010-12-31 21:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This really is a great meme. And those are impressive accomplishments, Elizabeth. I've done none of those things.
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Eposia
User: eposia
Date: 2010-12-31 21:21 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Washed horse vulvas for money.

I have YET to find someone else who has done that one...
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e_bourne
User: e_bourne
Date: 2010-12-31 23:46 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You absolutely win on that, although strange to tell, I have not one, but two friends who have played the part of horse/cow vulvas for artificial insemination purposes. Which has made me wonder a bit about my friend choices on occasion... :)
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
Keikaimalu
User: keikaimalu
Date: 2010-12-31 21:27 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
What a great meme! And I usually hate them.

I want more detail on several of those, including "flooded a moving car with raw sewage" and "wrote a hot check to a recently paroled murderer."

Here are some for me:


  • Cut my pinkie finger on a dolphin's tooth

  • Stuck my hand in a piranha tank at such an angle that I couldn't see it, while I waited for a water flask to fill

  • Swum with an Amazon River dolphin (in a tank)

  • Touched a sea lion that was barely 10 minutes old

  • Learned to mimic said baby sea lion so accurately that people told me to stop making that weird noise when it was, in fact, the sea lion

  • Petted a Florida State panther

  • Called a red-tailed hawk to my fist

  • Broke an inch-thick wooden board with a knife-hand strike at my Tae Kwon Do school's demonstration

  • Broke my back being thrown from a horse

  • Walked into a hospital emergency room, on my own, with a ruptured appendix



Mostly animal-related, a couple physical. All memorable.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2010-12-31 21:29 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Ah, animals. Among other things, I left out being attacked by a hawk from my list. I figured a fair number of people had experienced that along the way.
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(no subject) - (Anonymous) Expand
pingback_bot
User: pingback_bot
Date: 2010-12-31 21:41 (UTC)
Subject: [memes] Ten Things I've Done That You (Probably) Haven't
User twilight2000 referenced to your post from [memes] Ten Things I've Done That You (Probably) Haven't saying: [...] my flist - so share! What have you done that the rest of us probably haven't? Thanks to Jay Lake [...]
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catsparx
User: catsparx
Date: 2010-12-31 22:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I was once mistaken for a Russian prostitute in Syria...
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melissajm
User: melissajm
Date: 2010-12-31 22:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Actually, I HAVE held a lion cub. So fuzzy, with such over-sized paws!
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jackwilliambell
User: jackwilliambell
Date: 2010-12-31 23:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Here's my list.

And I have been bitten by a pig. I've also been through a similar, though not entirely the same, third world experience. I'd gladly walk on Arctic Ice before I would eat live eel soup and would prefer either of them to the hospital experience.
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oaksylph
User: oaksylph
Date: 2011-01-01 01:54 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Accompanied my lounge singing grandmother on the piano while she did a breathy, sexy version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" for a roomful of young Indonesian men, one of whom later asked me to marry him (using a hematite ring, one of the reasons I said no) while we sat under a tent of rabbit furs and ballerinas walked by, grousing in Russian.
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oaksylph
User: oaksylph
Date: 2011-01-01 02:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
In case that doesn't add up to ten, also bought three bookstores and parts of two other businesses within five years, had a library throw a farewell party for me because I had accounted for 51% of their circulation in the previous year but was moving away, and survived a prenatal adventure with over one hundred hits of acid in three months.
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fledgist
User: fledgist
Date: 2011-01-01 01:57 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
That's an amazing list.





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Msconduct
User: msconduct
Date: 2011-01-01 03:31 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Ooh, fun! I've...

...been carjacked by a member of the England cricket team and had to throw myself onto the laps of the cricketers in the team car to avoid being stranded on the street

...saved someone's life

...been charged by an elephant (also washed an elephant and ridden an elephant. None of these were the same elephant)

...been nose-to-nose with a polar bear

...camped above the Arctic Circle in the midnight sun in a snowstorm

...been five feet away from a lion in a open vehicle

...been mistaken for a prostitute in a seedy area of Paris

...fainted in Auschwitz concentration camp

...walked around Xi'an, China, on top of the city walls

...hugged a koala

I see most of mine are travel-related. This is why I have a horrificaly unrenovated kitchen but many wonderful memories.
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Keikaimalu
User: keikaimalu
Date: 2011-01-01 05:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
What was the polar bear like? I hear they are notoriously aggressive, and not safe to be near.
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User: quantuminsanity
Date: 2011-01-01 05:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Sadly I couldn't name anything I've done this year that most people haven't done.

I have petted a lion cub... didn't hold it in my arms though. They are much rougher than they look aren't they.

I'm intrigued by all yours though. Was the fatal porn fire just fatal to the porn, or to a person?

And how did you manage to flood a car with sewage?
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mikandra
User: mikandra
Date: 2011-01-01 06:06 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oooohhh! Fun!

I've:

Hitched a ride in the back of a police paddy wagon in the middle of the night in Alice Springs.

Twice rolled a car multiple times without any injury to myself. One time, I wasn't wearing a seatbelt (the car had none).

Pushed a plane out of a bog at the end of a runway

Landed a plane on a farm air strip to ask for diections (same plane as above, leading to above-mentioned problem)

Had a 'ride' in the Qantas Boeing 747 training simulator

Went on a scuba dive where if you held a hand 10cm from your face, you couldn't see it.

Someone from another group died on that dive.

Living in Athens with a Greek family, learned to speak Greek almost fluently and forgotten all of it since ;-)

Been given a stern talking-to by the police in Brisbane for the grand offense of jaywalking.
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Daniel GIll
User: wyattkelly
Date: 2011-01-01 06:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Never did any of those things. However, I have:

Been arrested in New Jersey on a bogus weapons Charge

gotten directions from a crack dealer

been put in a headlock by Hulk Hogan

Saved Diamond Dallas Page from getting hit in the head with a trash can

Gotten drunk with the lead guitarist of Dragonforce

Touched Cameron Diaz on the butt

Dodged a corvette that had been crushed by a semi a second earlier. In a Buick Century.

Been drunk under the table by the face character actor for Kim Possible in the Disney Parks



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