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Jay Lake
Date: 2011-01-23 19:34
Subject: [child] A hilarious and decidedly NSFW parent-child conversation
Security: Public
Tags:child, funny, sex, videos
Saturday the_child and I had a hilarious and decidedly NSFW conversation, which she has given me permission to blog.

the_child: "Here, Dad, you'll like this video."
jaylake: "Okay." :: stands with her at her laptop ::

jaylake: :: horrified silence ::
the_child: :: giggling ::
jaylake: "Um, do you know what 'jizz' means?"
the_child: "Sure. It means number one. This guy peed in his pants."
jaylake: "Um, no."
the_child: "Number two?"
jaylake: :: struggles to keep straight face :: "Um, no."
the_child: :: confused :: "What does it mean?"
jaylake: :: deep breath :: "When a man has sex, and the sperm comes out of the tip of his penis, one word for that is 'jizz'. It means orgasm. The song is making fun of men who are bad at sex."
the_child: :: howls of laughter :: "Oh my god. [name redacted] has been singing that song at school all week. She's the one who showed me the video."
jaylake: "You might want to call her and let her know. She might want to stop singing it. Especially before her parents hear her."
the_child: "No wonder the boys thought it was so funny when we were singing that backstage before the concert."
jaylake: :: horrified all over again :: "Now you know what they were laughing at."
the_child: "I think I'm going to leave [name redacted] alone for a day or two." :: evil laugh ::
jaylake: "Um, no. Really, you need to call her now."
the_child: :: picks up phone ::
the_child: "Hi, [name redacted]. Um, you know that song we've been singing?"
[name redacted]: :: short answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "Well, I showed it to my dad. Guess what 'jizz' means?"
[name redacted]: :: short answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "No, not number one."
[name redacted]: :: short answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "Not number two, either."
[name redacted]: :: long answer I can't hear ::
the_child: :: glances at me, realizes she's having this conversation in front of her Dad :: "It's when a boy's sperm comes out. The song is making fun of men who are bad at sex."
[name redacted]: :: extremely long answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "Yeah, we'd better not sing it anymore." :: hangs up ::
jaylake: :: after long awkward silence :: "So, um, do we need to talk about how sex works?"
the_child: "No, Dad, I got it covered."
jaylake: :: chickens out ::

We were laughing at each other for a good twenty minutes afterwards.

Post A Comment | 17 Comments | | Flag | Link

miki garrison: margarita
User: mikigarrison
Date: 2011-01-24 03:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keffy and I are dying of laughter poisoning here. :p
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Renegade Vagabond
User: khaybee
Date: 2011-01-24 03:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My son showed me that video. (of course, he was 20 at the time and understood what it meant). Awkward none the less.
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User: twilight2000
Date: 2011-01-24 03:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
::chickens out::

OMG - I haven't laughed that loud in sometime ;>.
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2011-01-24 03:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Funny. Also kind of sweet, how you & your daughter can communicate even about embarrassing stuff.
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Lucy Kemnitzer
User: ritaxis
Date: 2011-01-24 03:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You are definitely right smack in the middle of the age for this kind of revelation. Expect much more of it.
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User: emmainfiniti
Date: 2011-01-24 03:57 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Just wait till your kid starts sharing these things with you and she DOES know what it means.
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smoking catnip and chasing my tail: EVIL
User: jettcat
Date: 2011-01-24 04:15 (UTC)
Subject: how kids learn about sex 2212
Back in the olden days, we learned about sex from youtube videos...
What's youtube daddy?
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User: kilks401
Date: 2011-01-24 04:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you for this story. Both funny and an example of good parenting.

:chickens out: had me dying.
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User: suzan_h
Date: 2011-01-24 04:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I feel for you. It's right up there with catching my 10-year-old son singing the Pussycat Dolls' "Don't Cha."
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User: coyotegoth
Date: 2011-01-24 05:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Who knew that that song could be such a bonding experience?
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User: mmegaera
Date: 2011-01-24 05:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
[remembers own parents] [shakes head] Words fail me.

But then my parents and I never had The Talk, let alone anything else.
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scarlettina: Dramatic prairie dog
User: scarlettina
Date: 2011-01-24 07:13 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Dramatic prairie dog
Wow. Wow.



Go you.

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That Which Fights Entropy: spock humans are funny
User: amberite
Date: 2011-01-24 07:54 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:spock humans are funny
Well parented! :D
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User: cypherindigo
Date: 2011-01-24 12:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You got an A+ in the parenting department for that one.

You and your daughter have a wonderful relationship.
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barry_king: Ruprecht
User: barry_king
Date: 2011-01-24 21:35 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
*claps* handled with great aplomb.
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User: cathshaffer
Date: 2011-01-25 04:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
We dealt with this a while back. Different video. Same vocabulary. Because my son was younger at the time, my explanation was just that it "had to do with sex."
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nwhiker: Cottage Lake snow
User: nwhiker
Date: 2011-01-25 19:54 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Cottage Lake snow
Wow. I've had some epic conversations with my 13 year old, but this one surpasses them, and by far. And as others have said... good parenting.

And of course, hilariously written up, thanks for the laughs.
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