Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[child] A hilarious and decidedly NSFW parent-child conversation

Saturday the_child and I had a hilarious and decidedly NSFW conversation, which she has given me permission to blog.


the_child: "Here, Dad, you'll like this video."
jaylake: "Okay." :: stands with her at her laptop ::



jaylake: :: horrified silence ::
the_child: :: giggling ::
jaylake: "Um, do you know what 'jizz' means?"
the_child: "Sure. It means number one. This guy peed in his pants."
jaylake: "Um, no."
the_child: "Number two?"
jaylake: :: struggles to keep straight face :: "Um, no."
the_child: :: confused :: "What does it mean?"
jaylake: :: deep breath :: "When a man has sex, and the sperm comes out of the tip of his penis, one word for that is 'jizz'. It means orgasm. The song is making fun of men who are bad at sex."
the_child: :: howls of laughter :: "Oh my god. [name redacted] has been singing that song at school all week. She's the one who showed me the video."
jaylake: "You might want to call her and let her know. She might want to stop singing it. Especially before her parents hear her."
the_child: "No wonder the boys thought it was so funny when we were singing that backstage before the concert."
jaylake: :: horrified all over again :: "Now you know what they were laughing at."
the_child: "I think I'm going to leave [name redacted] alone for a day or two." :: evil laugh ::
jaylake: "Um, no. Really, you need to call her now."
the_child: :: picks up phone ::
the_child: "Hi, [name redacted]. Um, you know that song we've been singing?"
[name redacted]: :: short answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "Well, I showed it to my dad. Guess what 'jizz' means?"
[name redacted]: :: short answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "No, not number one."
[name redacted]: :: short answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "Not number two, either."
[name redacted]: :: long answer I can't hear ::
the_child: :: glances at me, realizes she's having this conversation in front of her Dad :: "It's when a boy's sperm comes out. The song is making fun of men who are bad at sex."
[name redacted]: :: extremely long answer I can't hear ::
the_child: "Yeah, we'd better not sing it anymore." :: hangs up ::
jaylake: :: after long awkward silence :: "So, um, do we need to talk about how sex works?"
the_child: "No, Dad, I got it covered."
jaylake: :: chickens out ::

We were laughing at each other for a good twenty minutes afterwards.

Tags: child, funny, sex, videos
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