After much soul-searching, I have realized that my current life and work is sinful and without merit. Forthwith I am withdrawing from my pursuits and shall take up residence in a lava tube in Mt. Hood National Forest to abide quietly there as an eremite contemplative.
If your mind has been turned by any of my books and stories, I most profoundly apologize. Please, burn a book in my name, and give thanks that the scales can still fall from your eyes.
Any who wish to join me are free to do so. All I ask is that you, like I am doing, shave your locks, change your name to Rufus, and vow only to wear fuschia undergarments for the rest of your days. We shall feast together on leaf mold and wood ears and grow fat in the soul.
Yours in the spirit of the day,