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Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2011-04-01 05:30
Subject: [personal] An important announcement
Security: Public
Tags:april, funny, personal, writing
I have an important announcement to make.

After much soul-searching, I have realized that my current life and work is sinful and without merit. Forthwith I am withdrawing from my pursuits and shall take up residence in a lava tube in Mt. Hood National Forest to abide quietly there as an eremite contemplative.

If your mind has been turned by any of my books and stories, I most profoundly apologize. Please, burn a book in my name, and give thanks that the scales can still fall from your eyes.

Any who wish to join me are free to do so. All I ask is that you, like I am doing, shave your locks, change your name to Rufus, and vow only to wear fuschia undergarments for the rest of your days. We shall feast together on leaf mold and wood ears and grow fat in the soul.

Yours in the spirit of the day,

Jay Lake

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Kenneth Mark Hoover
User: kmarkhoover
Date: 2011-04-01 13:09 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm in.
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madrobins
User: madrobins
Date: 2011-04-01 13:13 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I would join you, but I am allergic to mold.
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S-47/19-J
User: shsilver
Date: 2011-04-01 13:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I work with a guy named Rufus and he's bald. Aside from vowing to wear fuschia undergarments, what other requirements would there be for him?
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Jay Lake: sanguine-mossy_wall
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-01 13:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:sanguine-mossy_wall
Eat leaf mold and stop writing SF novels. That's pretty much it.

My faith is simple, but a great comfort to me in trying times.
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User: tillyjane
Date: 2011-04-01 13:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
does this mean no more momos?
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Jay Lake: food-peking_duck
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-01 13:30 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:food-peking_duck
Leaf mold momos only. Or wood ear momos, if you've been especially virtuous.
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biomekanic
User: biomekanic
Date: 2011-04-01 13:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
If you need a source of fuschia underwear, I imagine that one of my former employers still sells them.
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Brent "Chip" Edwards: happywolf
User: chipuni
Date: 2011-04-01 14:00 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:happywolf
*dances around in fuschia underwear with you*
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Autopope
User: autopope
Date: 2011-04-01 14:01 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Dude! Just as I was about to headhunt you for a job writing Cheezburger entries!
Reply | Thread | Link



Jay Lake: tech-b24_turbo_boost_selector
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-01 14:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:tech-b24_turbo_boost_selector
Can haz enlitunment nao?
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fledgist
User: fledgist
Date: 2011-04-01 14:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Dear Jay Lake:

How may I join you in this endeavour?

Sincerely,

Loof Lirpa
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Jay Lake: signs-next_services
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-01 14:39 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:signs-next_services
First, fill out an application on the back of a stack of $100 bills...
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mectech
User: mectech
Date: 2011-04-01 14:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
if I had been a boy, I would have been named Rufus....

now I just need to sharpen the razor & get out the fuschia dye.
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rekre8
User: rekre8
Date: 2011-04-01 14:58 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You had me with you until the fuschia came into play...
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User: cocoajava
Date: 2011-04-01 15:09 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Wow. Who knew I had so many lumps on my head? *runs hand over smooth skull*

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scarlettina: LOL!
User: scarlettina
Date: 2011-04-01 15:13 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:LOL!
If I join you, do I really have to shave my locks? My head is shaped funny.

On an only slightly related note, do I have to give up lox as well?
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fledgist
User: fledgist
Date: 2011-04-01 15:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
That's bageling the question.
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2011-04-01 15:24 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Forget the fracking leaf mold. I'm already coughing and hacking with it.

The REAL contemplatives go above timberline, baby. See you on the slopes!
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Tom
User: voidampersand
Date: 2011-04-01 15:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
It all sounds very worthy, but the mixed metaphors are confusing. A lava tube is very primitive accommodations; it has no locks, yet you must shave them. Or is there a canal nearby? Scales falling from eyes, seems very natural; the big question is how we could hold such heavy devices on our eyes in the first place. That must hurt. And fuschias are lovely, but not durable enough to make good undergarments, and they're too small, at least for most people.
Reply | Thread | Link



When life gives you lemmings...
User: danjite
Date: 2011-04-01 16:16 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I see through your scam.This is just another attempt to get your numbers up by getting people to buy even more of your books just to burn them...
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Gary Emenitove
User: garyomaha
Date: 2011-04-02 13:23 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
One doesn't burn his books. One places his books into wall recesses as one is remodeling. Ups the value of the home.
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