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Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2011-04-14 05:03
Subject: [cancer|writing] Bill Grim's progress
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, child, food, health, personal, writing
Scan today. Oddly enough, I slept ok last night. A little more interrupted than usual, but still otherwise as deeply and as long as (the recent) normal.

However, my writing brain went into vapor lock yesterday. I puttered around with a little WRPA for about fifteen minutes, then accepted that cancer stress was eating my focus and gave up.

I'll be out mid-morning with the scan, then home again. I'm not taking the day off work, mostly because sitting around doing not much won't improve anything for me.

And I'm honestly not sure how I'll feel after the scan. As I've noted previously, I tend to fixate on the scan as being the inflection point of my stress, but the reality is that Monday's oncology consult is where all the fireworks is or isn't. Maybe I'll be able to write this afternoon and maybe I won't. At this point, I'm preparing myself to be utterly useless through Monday, but not planning on it.

I am staying busy. Lot of Dad time for this afternoon/evening as [info]the_child deals with her turn at being an opera star. Tomorrow evening is the opera itself. Saturday we have lacrosse, an away game. Far away. Sunday I am cooking momos for family and friends. Monday, well, Monday is Monday.

And today is today.

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nancyfulda
User: nancyfulda
Date: 2011-04-14 12:13 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Fingers crossed. Hoping for the best of all possible results.
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User: brownkitty
Date: 2011-04-14 12:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Good luck. I'll be hoping for you.
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threeoutside
User: threeoutside
Date: 2011-04-14 12:32 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Good luck, Jay!
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russ
User: goulo
Date: 2011-04-14 12:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Good luck to you!
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markbourne
User: markbourne
Date: 2011-04-14 13:56 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
We're thinking about you. Keep us posted (well, like, duh).

Mmmmmomos...
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rekre8
User: rekre8
Date: 2011-04-14 13:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm missing momos AGAIN
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-14 14:04 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
We just need to schedule our own damned momo party with your social circle.
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2011-04-14 15:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hey, maybe we need to figure out how to make momos I can eat and have a wheat/dairy/egg free momo party!
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User: tillyjane
Date: 2011-04-14 23:25 (UTC)
Subject: virtuous momo
I see no problem, rice flour! no dairy or egg required.

TJ
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Eposia
User: eposia
Date: 2011-04-14 14:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Took me two reads to get the pun in the title, hehe. Just shows mornings are my groggiest time right now...
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2011-04-14 15:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hoping for good results. Meanwhile, I have found that I need to be gentle with myself when the writer brain goes into vapor lock. These days, I'm reaching the point where I could annoyingly ramble on and on and on about what parts of your brain are on freeze due to this stress and why.

But understanding why it happens doesn't necessarily make thrashing my way out of vapor lock any easier. I am coming to terms with the reality that, until the actual RIF (reduction in force) or layoff happens, I'm basically stressed and low-level freaking. This year is easier because I can contemplate the worst with a grim level of humor, having already had my hours cut. And April and May are always challenging in teacher world. This year is worse because administration is expecting magic wands to be waved to bring students up to proficient level for statewide assessment...without coaching or cheating during the tests. I'm busy holding the newbie's hand and soothing/supporting her because she's totally screwed, given the performance levels of her kids (who are many of my kids as well).

You can't bring someone up from third grade level to sixth grade level in a month, or even a year. Not realistic. But that's what NCLB expects. Not surprising, when you look into the ways that many NCLB proponents cheated when they scored their unrealistic test performances.

Anyway, sounds like you have a lot of other stuff on your plate without the cancer screening! I'd ride with it and not worry about writer brain. You know it will come back. Accept the cancer stress and go on. You've got the right perspective.
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mlerules: Safe Travels
User: mlerules
Date: 2011-04-14 16:11 (UTC)
Subject: Tiny-Tardis(tm) Travels
Keyword:Safe Travels
For your amusement. Safe & dry & fed at PDX now. The sun's decided to come out now, too, just to taunt me. Meanwhile, the weather gods have taken my request for warmth a bit too seriously. Yesterday's forecast of 83 for Sat has now been upped to 90. Eep!
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PolyDad
User: polydad
Date: 2011-04-14 16:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Best of fortune to you, Jay. May you go to the consultation and be asked "When did you become a cyborg? All you needed was a lubricant-change; you're free to go."

best,

Joel
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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2011-04-14 17:22 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thinking of you. And, if it hits the small hours where you are and you want someone to talk to, do feel free to phone me. Occasionally time zone differences can be useful.
Kari xx
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-14 18:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you. ;)
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Leela
User: leela_cat
Date: 2011-04-14 21:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My thoughts and good wishes go with you. *hugs*
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mectech
User: mectech
Date: 2011-04-14 21:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
thoughts & support from this random internet fan, too. every day climbing the Sisyphean mountain of unemployment-related Fear gives me the smallest hint of what you're dealing with.

you can do it. we're with you.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-15 01:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I hope that you find work soon, and some peace of mind to go with it.
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emmainfiniti
User: emmainfiniti
Date: 2011-04-15 02:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Wearing stripey, colorful socks in support of your scans today. It seemed like the most appropriate quasi-superstitious thing to do.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-04-15 02:46 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Mmm, stripey socks. ;)
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