[cancer] What I think I hate the most

I hate being crazy in the head from medical stress. This is bad now, even before the cognitive and emotional disruptions of the chemotherapy drugs themselves.

Already I am not being the person I want to be. Already I am not being the person I am. And I'm so very painfully conscious of the staggering cost I paid in my personal life for this disconnect during the last chemo go-round.

I hate this.