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[cancer] Coming out of the hospital - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2011-07-24 08:53
Subject: [cancer] Coming out of the hospital
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, personal, photos
I am out of the hospital and home as of yesterday morning. The ride home took a lot out of me, so I spent the day largely horizontal and quiescent. So far my recovery has been much ahead of the expected pace, but I'm still very weak and in a lot of pain. Eschewing the opiates has been much better for my digestion and my cognition, but I'm living a lot more closely with my post-operative distress than I have in the past.

Slept well last night, relatively speaking. I have two sleeping positions now, neither of them natural or comfortable for me. So I assume one and sleep until the pain and discomfort awaken me, then I assume the other and sleep until the pain and discomfort awaken me. Lather, rinse, repeat. Still managed a good night's sleep for the first time since leaving Readercon.

This morning I tried to follow my routine as much as possible. That is, awaken, exercise, shower, blog. To my own amazement I managed 30 minutes on the recumbent bike. Getting into the shower, I took a look at my corpus non delecti. I am a real shipwreck.


What all those scars say to me is that I still live. But they are decidedly a map of pain and suffering as well, of hopes and fears and psychic damage. I still have a lot of fear, albeit not boiling at the surface. The one surprise in my surgery was that the liver tumor had begun to interpenetrate with the abdominal wall. They did some unplanned resecting to deal with that, and the margins were clean. But I've heard about clean margins before, and continue to metastasize.

I'd like to live to be old. For now, I'll settle for living today.

Photo © 2011, Joseph E. Lake, Jr.

Creative Commons License

This work by Joseph E. Lake, Jr. is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 3.0 United States License.

Post A Comment | 15 Comments | | Link

User: mlerules
Date: 2011-07-24 16:36 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Yes, you remain w/the living. GOOD, this.

I'd orig planned to visit you in the hospital this afternoon, but'd be happy to shift that to yr casa if'n visiting's still desired. Just lemme know, as I don't wanna impose my presence but'd be glad to see you if'n it's welcome today.
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(no subject) - (Anonymous)
Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-07-24 19:54 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This scar is larger than all the others combined, and will be even once it's far more healed. So yes, it's challenging me a bit. But "I survived" is a very important thought.
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User: polydad
Date: 2011-07-24 17:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm both glad for this good news, and sorry that life is such for you that this *counts* as good news. If I can come up with artistic inspiration based on your scar, I'll let you know.


Joel. Who also doesn't plan on dying today, and hopes the universe doesn't see fit to change his plans.
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User: martianmooncrab
Date: 2011-07-24 18:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Ritual scarification, its not for the weak.
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User: jaborwhalky
Date: 2011-07-24 19:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Is there any way to get you on some sort of steam cell therapy ?
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-07-24 19:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
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User: cypherindigo
Date: 2011-07-24 20:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
They are a very impressive bunch of scars.
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User: mcjulie
Date: 2011-07-25 00:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
When you are an old man, you can make your grandchildren listen to stories about how you got your scars.
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User: fledgist
Date: 2011-07-25 00:27 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Remaining among the living is a good thing. Now, it's going on for the next thirty-plus years,one day at a time.

The fear and the worry never quite leave.
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User: triskelmoon
Date: 2011-07-25 02:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm glad you are still with us & have the scars to prove it.
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Elf M. Sternberg
User: elfs
Date: 2011-07-25 02:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Those are awesome scars! Really! You should have the tattoist draw a snake around 'em or something. Nah, leave 'em as is.
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That Which Fights Entropy
User: amberite
Date: 2011-07-25 03:15 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I second the "I was gonna visit you - oh well, being out of the hospital is cooler anyway." And I'd also like to know when would be a good time to come see you, this week or any other.

Best wishes on the recovery, and the process of getting the blasted thing gone. Let me know what I can do in the way of support. And remember that the difference between graffiti, and a mural, is in the eye of the beholder, or the one possessing the wall... as it were.
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User: adelheid_p
Date: 2011-07-25 16:58 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm glad you are home from the hospital and hopefully, that will speed your recovery.

Re the scar: It's a battle wound in the war on cancer. Are there any creams that you can use to help it fade (once it is healed enough to use them, that is)?
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dinogrl: ew
User: dinogrl
Date: 2011-07-26 18:51 (UTC)
Subject: Glad you are out, now please, stay out! For the next 40+ years!
Sorry I haven't said anything sooner. Note that energy and thoughts are constantly with you from this end of the world. Really glad it isn't a lobotomy scar. Which brings to mind this for some strange and twisted reason:
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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2011-08-01 14:43 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Welcome home.
I've been away from the nets for most of a week, but my thoughts have been with you.
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