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Jay Lake
Date: 2011-08-12 05:47
Subject: [writing] Muddling through
Security: Public
Tags:awards, books, child, conventions, friends, sunspin, writing

Well, in the first four days of this week (Sunday through Wednesday), I managed to write 11,800 words on Sunspin, hitting my desired pace. Unfortunately, yesterday a combination of mental fatigue and a (serially interrupted) 90 minutes or so on the telephone conferring over the Hugo script with the ceremony’s director kept me from laying down any words. So today I feel very strange about the shortfall.

This despite the fact that I give myself blanket permission to miss up to two writing days a week. Permission doesn’t equal desire, or even acceptance. It’s not like I wasn’t productive yesterday, just that I wasn’t productive where I really most wanted to be productive.

Today will be a bit dicey. [info]the_child and I are leaving not long after work to meet [info]autopope and [info]feorag for dinner prior to [info]autopope‘s reading and signing at Powell’s tonight. Which will be fun and well worth doing, but kind of crowds the writing day again.

I know, I know, I’m complaining about having to host the Hugos and hang out with friends from Scotland. Shut up already, Jay. But writing is, well, writing. Clash of priorities and wreck of the HMS Timeline. At least it’s a good class of problems to have.

Originally published at jlake.com. You can comment here or there.

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scarlettina: Have A Cookie
User: scarlettina
Date: 2011-08-12 13:21 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Have A Cookie
At least it’s a good class of problems to have.

There we go. That's what I was looking for. I know you have the right perspective. Sometimes it needs to creep up a little quicker is all. I understand kvetching about the good stuff. And I understand about getting behind on projects. But isn't it nice to have cool things to bitch about? :-)
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Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2011-08-12 14:06 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Even good things are a pain when writing is calling.
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2011-08-12 15:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I think maybe what you're complaining about, a bit obliquely, is the way that cancer has reduced you from someone who can juggle 20 things at once to someone who can juggle only 15. It's hard not to be keenly aware of any small loss when you're dealing with such a life-changer. And it's hard not to resent it.

I hate when things that aren't me redefine who I am. And I resent seeing their effects ripple through my life.

And you know what? It's okay to resent those things, and know that that's what's happening. You feel how you feel. And then it's okay to try to move to a different mindspace, one which pushes the negativity to a small back corner, and appreciate the good things in your life.

Or maybe I'm talking out my ass, and more about me than you. :)

Either way, I hope you get back to the writing pace that gives you the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment you want.
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Jay Lake: cancer-biohazard_bag
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-08-12 15:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oh, I think you're pretty much right. And in the background of all this is precisely the issue you identify: letting things that aren't me redefine who I am.

Le sigh.
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2011-08-12 19:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Hugs. And commiserations.

May we all regain the selves we most liked being.
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triskelmoon: nerd
User: triskelmoon
Date: 2011-08-12 22:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I will be at the reading! I will try and say hi if I see you have a free moment.
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