Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake
jaylake

[personal] Burning down the house

Yesterday afternoon during one of my chemo naps — I'm on the pump this weekend and sleeping a lot — I had a brief, laughably symbolic dream. I was home in a dream version of Nuevo Rancho Lake. I was on the chemo pump, and half the house had burned down. It was still smoldering, in fact. Mother of Child was scolding me for having the place in such a mess. I asked her if I could wait until I was off chemo and the ashes had cooled before cleaning up.

It's a pop truism that one's home symbolizes one's line in dreams. Well, that's my life under cancer, all right. Half burned down and still smoldering. And me on the pump, well, I guess that symbolizes me on the pump. MotC scolding me is my subconscious telling me to cut it out and get my life in order. My asking her to wait is me saying not yet, I can't do it now.

Ah, cheap pop psych symbolism. Heh. Surely my subconscious can do better than this.

Tags: cancer, dreams, family, health, personal
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