?

Log in

No account? Create an account
Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2011-11-02 05:34
Subject: [writing|cancer] Nature abhors a vacuum, and so do I
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, personal, process, work, writing
Except when one is on chemotherapy, apparently.

It's odd, being me right now. Normally my mind is a churn of imagination, images and random thoughts streaking off like Roman candles. But the chemo really does flatten my right brain. Curiously, not the left — fatigue can put paid to that, but my analytical thinking skills are still pretty intact so long as I'm rested and fed and not too tired.

Which is of course the main reason I haven't had to take a leave of absence from the Day Jobbe. I'm a little slower than normal but can still do the business thinking needed to perform my job functions.

In effect, though, I'm now on a 2-3 month leave of absence from my writing.

It's not gone. My dreams are still present, and they are decidedly right-brained. But asleep, definitely asleep. Yesterday afternoon I had to read page proofs on two different short stories. It was like trying to decipher Swahili. Short fiction, written by me, with only very light edits imposed. And wow, I practically got a headache.

The result is I feel like there's a vacuum in my head. A creative vacuum. Prior to cancer and chemotherapy, I'd gone through an entire writing career without suffering writer's block for more than 2-3 days at a time. There's always something to write so long as I've had the time. But chemotherapy (and likewise surgery, albeit on a much shorter timescale) seems to be the ultimate block to me. First slowing me down, then grinding me to a halt as I sit in a creative vacuum, slowly reaching equilibrium with the silence around me.

And it makes me sad.

Post A Comment | 7 Comments | | Flag | Link






torreybird
User: torreybird
Date: 2011-11-02 15:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
So sorry that you have cause for such sadness. Much as I appreciate Chuck Wendig's "there ain't no sich thing as writer's block," the absense of spark may just as well be it. In cases of grief and certain medications, the spark may just be enough to inspire breath - and let that be enough. I hope you pass through this tunnel quickly.
Reply | Thread | Link



Kari Sperring
User: la_marquise_de_
Date: 2011-11-02 18:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
That happened to me with one of the antidepressants my doctor tried me on. Sympathy.
Reply | Thread | Link



Twilight: Workin' On It!
User: twilight2000
Date: 2011-11-02 20:22 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Workin' On It!
So here's a question - if the dreams are still with you, can you *speak* them into existance? I know it's not your normal style, but would telling your stories into a tape recorder work? There are any number of us out here that would be MORE than willing to turn your dulcet tones into black and white text for you if that approach works... (yea, I'm spitballing here ;>)
Reply | Thread | Link



User: quantuminsanity
Date: 2011-11-03 03:32 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Just out of curiosity what is your Day Jobbe?
I wonder this every time you talk about it in your blog but as far as I know I've never seen you mention what it is.
Reply | Thread | Link



Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-11-03 15:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Day Jobbe = senior sales engineer for a telecommunications company. :)

I do try to keep a strong filter between that professional working life (which has nothing to do with my writing, cancer, etc.) and this public persona from my writer life.
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



Eposia
User: eposia
Date: 2011-11-03 08:22 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I am using the fact that you are having to take time off from writing to attempt to help goad myself into writing more, spending more of the the dribs and drabs of my daily energy on creative output. Not as punishment, just to see if the empathy will help generate words; or that ONE of us should be writing; or something.

First a blog entry to catch everyone up on what's been happening. But I have written a couple of actual creative short pieces, one of them a piece of something that I have no Idea whether it will get finished or not but is entirely new post-cancer.

So you're being used as inspiration of a sort; hope you don't mind too much.
Reply | Thread | Link



Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2011-11-03 15:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Write! Someone bloody well ought to.
Reply | Parent | Thread | Link



browse
my journal
links
January 2014
2012 appearances