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Lakeshore
An author of no particular popularity

Jay Lake
Date: 2012-02-15 05:15
Subject: [cancer] So far, not so good
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, personal
I don't have my CEA levels yet, but the radiology report from Monday's cancer checkup is not encouraging. I quote:
Questionable developing subcentimeter lateral right lobe hepatic lesion to which close attention on follow up suggested.

In plain English, that means I have a small mass in the right side of my liver. I've been down this road before, and I know exactly where it leads.

Now, this isn't conclusive. It could be atypical healing from my last liver resectioning. (Longtime readers may recall that I've had that surgery twice so far.) It could be something else entirely, like the misread steatosis that led to my first liver resectioning. But given that this cancer has metastasized twice since my primary presentation, one of those times in the liver, I am not especially optimistic. The CEA levels will tell us more — if they are elevated, then there's a strong likelihood this is another metastasis. I rather assume I'll be in for a PET scan quite soon to confirm metabolic activity at the site in question.

On the plus side, this likely isn't the one that will kill me. The site should be readily addressable through surgery, so it's not inoperable. If I have to do chemotherapy again, this will be my last course, because there are only three options for my kind of cancer, and I've already run through two of them. That means if it comes back again in another year, I'm in a much worse position.

And on a serious note to anyone reading who is over 50, or has any lower GI irregularities: get yourself a colonoscopy. It's inconvenient, and some people find it embarrassing, but trust me, years of cancer surgery and chemotherapy are a hell of a lot more inconvenient. Go do it. Please.

As for me, I feel very, very discouraged.

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fjm
User: fjm
Date: 2012-02-15 13:28 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Fuck.

Will worry very much for you. Wish I could give you a hug.
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cathshaffer
User: cathshaffer
Date: 2012-02-15 13:37 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
This is discouraging. I will hope very hard that it doesn't light up on the PET.
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Jim C. Hines
User: jimhines
Date: 2012-02-15 13:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Goddammit.
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jackwilliambell
User: jackwilliambell
Date: 2012-02-15 13:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Grrr...
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Queen of the Skies
User: queenoftheskies
Date: 2012-02-15 13:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm very sorry. Sending good thoughts.
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a_cubed
User: a_cubed
Date: 2012-02-15 13:57 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Gaah. Here's hoping it is, for just this once, please, one of the minor irritants.
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Samantha Henderson
User: samhenderson
Date: 2012-02-15 13:57 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm sorry, Jay.
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User: radiantlisa
Date: 2012-02-15 14:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Dammit. I was so hoping for good news for you.
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User: beth_bernobich
Date: 2012-02-15 14:12 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:balloon heart
*hugs*
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adelheid_p
User: adelheid_p
Date: 2012-02-15 14:14 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I'm hoping for the best here. *hugs*
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fledgist
User: fledgist
Date: 2012-02-15 14:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oh bugger. I hope that it doesn't turn out badly again.
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cathschaffstump: Japanus
User: cathschaffstump
Date: 2012-02-15 14:32 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Japanus
Yes to the colonoscopy. My husband has had 4 pre-cancerous polyps removed in the last 12 years.

As for you, lots of hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. And some tears.
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Larry Sanderson
User: lsanderson
Date: 2012-02-15 14:33 (UTC)
Subject: Best
Wishes.
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Rhonda Parrish
User: rhondaparrish
Date: 2012-02-15 14:51 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Shit.

Fingers crossed.
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threeoutside
User: threeoutside
Date: 2012-02-15 14:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
More hugs, more spoons, and more hugs. Drat it.

There is this, though: you don't *know* yet what it is. Now's the time for the mighty Rational Mind to take the reins, and to guide you to live in the Now, and proceed with clear eye and hopeful heart, so that every minute is appropriately treasured and enjoyed. I know that's the long way around of saying a trite cliche, unfortunately one that is nevertheless true. When I am waiting for what I fear is bad news (and it has sometimes turned out to be so), I did much better in those times when I could remind myself that if I agonize beforetimes, and it turns out NOT to be true, then I've spent x days in unnecessary agony. And if it does turn out to be true (the bad thing), then I'll have plenty of opportunity to agonize; why add to it?

I'm afraid that doesn't help much. Just know I'm concerned and thinking about you, and hoping for the good news.
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