Mind you, my quanta are not in danger of collapse. The metaphor only stretches so far, after all. This is the nature of metaphors. Unfortunately I can't say the same for my emotional processes.
From a writing perspective, I have been useless since last Thursday. This is as discussed. Unfortunate but not surprising, and not ultimately damaging to my productivity or deadlines. Mostly it wounds my pride.
From a life perspective, I'd resolved after my meltdown of the weekend before last that this past week would be a time where I didn't make any major life decisions and didn't engage in any difficult emotional terrain. Unfortunately, not everyone around me got the memo. So there was a fair amount of static from various quarters in a week when my emotional radio was particularly ill-tuned.
From a parenting perspective, everything got very difficult last night. I'd just come back from a long, early dinner with
It was a sensible, thoughtful and loving conversation. It broke my heart all over again to have this conversation with my fourteen year old daughter.
Today, the scans. My friend A— is taking me. Wednesday, the oncology follow-ups.
Then we'll see if I'm back in hell for another year, or if I get a few more month's reprieve. And we'll know a bit more about how to answer
I am so afraid.