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[cancer] Minor notes - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-08-25 05:04
Subject: [cancer] Minor notes
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, omaha, personal, work
Some minor notes.

My recent post on the life logistics of cancer [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ] has gotten some links and reposting from various quarters. I just want to add that almost everyone one of those line items decomposes into multiple subtasks. Sometimes dozens. The discontents of this disease are fractal in their complexity.

Still working through some late stage and end of life thinking. Those are not issues for this year, or even this treatment round, but I think it's important that I know my own mind and understand my basic options now, while my head is still clear, rather than in some post-treatment panic a year or three down the road. With luck, none of this will be needed, but luck has been in notoriously short supply in my life since cancer became my boon companion.

Made myself cry twice yesterday. On leaving my hotel, I said good-bye to Fred K— the night clerk I've been on good terms with for years. We talk about the weather, each others' kids, my cancer episodes over the year. I realize that if things go a bit poorly, I'll never see him again. When I got in the car, I was in tears.

Leaving the office at the end of the day, I was talking with one of my co-workers about their father's death from cancer some years ago, when they were a young adult. They told me one of the things he'd said to them near the end was, "You're only losing me, but I'm losing all of you." That really hit me. Once more, I got in the car in tears.

And so it goes.

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Magenta: Books
User: magentamn
Date: 2012-08-25 13:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
May the "end of life" scenario not come into play for fifty years. My wish for you today.
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2012-08-25 15:34 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I find sometimes that well-meaning folks can be a little too eager to talk about cancer at a time when it's a very raw subject. It's the elephant in the room, so it's on everyone's minds, but it's not always a welcome topic. Particularly those stories that end in someone's suffering or death.

I hope that as you move forward through this process, people say only the things that are helpful and useful to you, and avoid saying things that make everything harder.

And I also hope that you find new tricks during these chemo times that help everything go more smoothly and comfortably, particularly tricks that help you feel more like yourself. I may have one for you, which I'll share over email.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2012-08-25 15:49 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Thank you.
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2012-08-25 17:50 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
To be honest, what will scare me is if/when you start saying "I feel sorry for those of you I'm leaving behind. You're going to have the worst of it." My friend's brother-in-law was saying that last fall just before he died, and those were the sentiments she was expressing the last time I saw her before she died.

I do have a few other triggers based on parental deaths, and a couple of triggers from DH's close calls, but those are way different.

What you're doing now--I think it's a healthy and thoughtful progression in dealing with a difficult and hard situation. Doesn't mean it's easy, though. Hugs.
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User: cuddlycthulhu
Date: 2012-08-25 18:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
And now I'm in tears.
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User: mmegaera
Date: 2012-08-25 23:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I hope your preparations have plenty in common with the whole carrying an umbrella thing.
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Grant Kruger
User: thirdworld
Date: 2012-08-27 21:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Jay, *hugs* and I hope I see you at Worldcon. When we get back, if you'd like to get a coffee and chew the fat, please let me know. You've been much in my thoughts of late.
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