Staying engaged and horribly busy serves two purposes right now:
First, it keeps me busy in the moment. This really isn't a good time for quiet reflection. I'll have months of that stretching ahead of me. I know my own mind regarding my cancer,
Secondly, I'm gobbling up experiences like a pauper at the king's table. People, places, food. What ever I can find. Eat All the Things. Kiss All the Girls. And so forth. Soon enough, I'll be living on not much more than body-ravaging pharmaceuticals and memories. So again, not denial, but self-management.
I am very afraid of what the return of this disease will do to my family and my friends and my loved ones.
So for now, I live a little harder, and spend a little less time with those shadows than perforce I will in the long, slow, dreadful months to come.