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[cancer|personal] Eating and watching and dreaming and scans - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-11-19 05:30
Subject: [cancer|personal] Eating and watching and dreaming and scans
Security: Public
Tags:books, cancer, child, dreams, family, food, friends, funny, health, movies, personal, television, weird
Yesterday was a pretty good day. We had a small family-and-friends fondue party. [info]mlerules describes some of the hilarity here on her Facebook page. Fondue pickles, not for the win. Also, [info]the_child has been introducing me to White Collarimdb ], which so far (early in season one) has been much smarter and wittier than I usually experience series television as being, with no flying snowmen yet. (A few have hopped through and done the high jump, but they haven't kicked me out of the show to date.)

Overnight, I had the most indescribable dreams. I woke after every REM cycle, though I managed to sleep well enough during the course of the night that I'm not starting today pathologically exhausted, as happened to me last Monday. I dreamt about everything, sometimes all at once, from the zombie apocalypse to pizza to Bridezillas to media takeovers to pizza to endless struggles alongside [info]the_child to pizza to staff meetings at work to pizza to cancer to real estate to pizza. A fair amount of anxiety of the obvious sorts was mixed into the oneiric stream, but a lot of it was just the detritus of my subconscious on parade. Big time.

This morning, Lisa Costello is taking me to have the CT scan to follow up on the elevated CEA levels. Tomorrow, I go in for related bloodwork. Wednesday, I see the oncologist. My scanxiety is always an issue, as in uncertain moments such as this I tend to fixate on the essentially mechanical event of the scan itself, rather than the later-to-be-forthcoming data once the radiologist has read my scan and my oncologist has reviewed the results. The usual reality at my clinic is they release everything to me pre-appointment so I have time to read and process the report, but that's not a consistent behavior. So I may know more (to my relief or to my horror) as soon as this afternoon, or I may not know anything until I walk into the consultation room Wednesday afternoon.

So I continue quietly terrified for now.

Also, I'm getting a library card today.

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mlerules: beach
User: mlerules
Date: 2012-11-19 13:40 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
How do you not already have a library card? I've got 'em for M, C, and W counties (as well as cities of Los Angeles, Long Beach, Beverly Hills, Santa Monica, and LA County, and UCLA).

*keeping digits xd re: test results and thinking of you this morning*
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2012-11-19 13:41 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Because generally speaking, when I want a book, I just buy it...
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User: rekre8
Date: 2012-11-19 16:17 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
but...but...how do you then STORE all the books? My library is about 5,000 books large (I know intimately, as I've been in the midst of a move), and I re-read constantly, and I use the library for items I'll only read once or before I buy something from an author to see if I'll like it, simply because one does not have the SPACE.

Speaking of which, there's a book on hold for me downtown....
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2012-11-19 16:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I've probably owned 15,000 or 20,000 books in my lifetime. There have been three major culls starting in the year 2000, and I am now down to rather less than 5,000 in my house. But I have a pretty big basement. Space isn't really the issue. (Two of the three culls were connected to relocation and not wanting to move hundreds of pounds of books.)

My current standard for keeping books is (a) will I ever want to re-read this, (b) will I ever want my daughter or some other person interested in SF to read this (presumably classic), (c) will I ever want to load/give this book to someone because I love it some much I think they should read it.

Well, and there some books I think a person should just have, my own version of the science fiction essentials.
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Elizabeth Coleman
User: criada
Date: 2012-11-19 16:08 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
White Collar is easily my favorite show on tv right now. The dynamic between Neil and Peter is amazing.
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