[cancer] Sleep - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-12-03 08:43
Subject: [cancer] Sleep
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, personal
I'm slipping into that phase of chemo where I sleep a lot, and drowse a lot. It doesn't quite overwhelm me, in that I can shake myself awake and do things, but left to my own devices, I tend to drift off. Eleven, twelve, thirteen hours a day.

I feel like an elderly cat, dozing twenty hours per day. And I hate it.

In my normal health, I fall asleep quickly, sleep hard, and bounce out of bed about six hours later. I run like gangbusters eighteen hours a day, slowing down a bit in the last few hours. It's what I do. It's who I am. And even then, I'm down for 2 am nookie or an early morning road trip or whatever.

Not now. Not me. Not anymore. Chemotherapy is the mistress of my fatigue, and I am caught in its bondage. The hours of my day are stolen from me by a thief as meticulous as any embezzler ever was. I will never get them back.

(And yes, I know full well sleep is the great healer. Please spare me the platitudes. It heals, and I accept that, but reject this thievery of the days of my life.)

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Leah Cutter: BiteMe
User: lrcutter
Date: 2012-12-03 18:42 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Fuck cancer and all that it steals from you and others.
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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2012-12-03 22:55 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Until you have had something steal your energy, your vitality, your mental acuity, the force with which you live your life, you don't understand how debilitating debilitation really is. And how frustrating.

When I was younger, I thought enough effort of will could solve any physical problem, particularly the ones related to fatigue. I know better now.

I hope you bounce back quickly. And I hope you have more energy this time through chemo than you expect.
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