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[cancer|food] Struggling more - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-12-05 05:28
Subject: [cancer|food] Struggling more
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, food, health, personal
For dinner last night I had six Triscuits and five pills. Plus about four ounces of apple juice. An hour or two later, I choked down two sticks of Pocky. That's about how it went yesterday. Plus me spending over half an hour after work looking at pictures of pizza on the Internet and researching Portland pizza places I haven't yet tried.

Dreaming of food I cannot eat.

I had an exchange in comments yesterday with [info]txcwby in which I tried to explain the current medication-and-diet regimen. Edited slightly for clarity, it goes something like this:
The dysfunction is essentially permanent, as I'm missing my gall bladder and my sigmoid colon due to surgical intervention. Ie, my fat metabolism is more or less random, and my colonic 'brakes' are missing.

Add on to this the cyclical symptoms from chemotherapy (14 day cycle) including extreme constipation (days 1 through 4 or 5), lactose intolerance (days 3 through 5 or 6), severe diarrhea (day 4 or 5 through day 6 or 7) and it's like driving a car on ice. Every tiny change produces a potentially huge overcorrection.

I'm more or less dealing with this set of epicyclic symptoms through next June or so, after which it will settle down to my usual post-surgical issues.

No booze, especially given that this round of tumors is in my liver.

I also forgot to mention the calcium contraindication in my am and pm medications, and the chemotherapy-induced magnesium deficiency which requires a third midday med schedule as the magnesium supplements are also contraindicated with my morning and evening meds, not to mention having potentially violent GI side effects in their own right.

Plus the heightened phototoxicity from the Doxycycline I take to offset the horrible skin problems from the Vectibix in my chemo cocktail.

To which their response (in part) was:
Jesus Christ - you need to change your name to "Job", seriously.

The crushing fatigue is the worst of the symptoms over time, but the food issues often depress me the most. I struggle with having cravings I cannot possibly address, and with being revolted by everything that I can eat. As anyone who's spent much time with me knows, I'm very food oriented. It's just another damned punishment.

Six triscuits and five pills. I could weep.

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Debbie N.
User: wild_irises
Date: 2012-12-05 15:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You could weep. I imagine, and hope, that sometimes you do.
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User: joycemocha
Date: 2012-12-05 16:02 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You know my food issues.

What I have noticed in the past few years is that I am no longer as food-oriented as I used to be. I savor the few things I can eat without penalty, but any more, the stuff that's off limits, I admire but don't have any temptation. That said, it's taken me the larger part of twenty years of increasing food restriction to get to this point (and, conversely, the food culture is starting to catch up to me and provide options). It was striking that when we were in Paris, I didn't actively seek out the existing gluten-free (and highly publicized) pastry options. In part that's because I'd still have to struggle with dairy and egg issues, but the other part is that it just doesn't matter any more. I can't eat it, therefore I don't even allow myself to consider it.

When wheat/dairy/egg free options started expanding about fifteen years ago, I went on those big weight loss-gain cycles. Now I just sigh and push it all away. I suspect a depression may be at play here.
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User: cissa
Date: 2012-12-08 01:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My sympathies- it sounds horrible, and i wish you the best.
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