Jay Lake (jaylake) wrote,
Jay Lake

[cancer|food] Struggling more

For dinner last night I had six Triscuits and five pills. Plus about four ounces of apple juice. An hour or two later, I choked down two sticks of Pocky. That's about how it went yesterday. Plus me spending over half an hour after work looking at pictures of pizza on the Internet and researching Portland pizza places I haven't yet tried.

Dreaming of food I cannot eat.

I had an exchange in comments yesterday with [info]txcwby in which I tried to explain the current medication-and-diet regimen. Edited slightly for clarity, it goes something like this:
The dysfunction is essentially permanent, as I'm missing my gall bladder and my sigmoid colon due to surgical intervention. Ie, my fat metabolism is more or less random, and my colonic 'brakes' are missing.

Add on to this the cyclical symptoms from chemotherapy (14 day cycle) including extreme constipation (days 1 through 4 or 5), lactose intolerance (days 3 through 5 or 6), severe diarrhea (day 4 or 5 through day 6 or 7) and it's like driving a car on ice. Every tiny change produces a potentially huge overcorrection.

I'm more or less dealing with this set of epicyclic symptoms through next June or so, after which it will settle down to my usual post-surgical issues.

No booze, especially given that this round of tumors is in my liver.

I also forgot to mention the calcium contraindication in my am and pm medications, and the chemotherapy-induced magnesium deficiency which requires a third midday med schedule as the magnesium supplements are also contraindicated with my morning and evening meds, not to mention having potentially violent GI side effects in their own right.

Plus the heightened phototoxicity from the Doxycycline I take to offset the horrible skin problems from the Vectibix in my chemo cocktail.

To which their response (in part) was:
Jesus Christ - you need to change your name to "Job", seriously.

The crushing fatigue is the worst of the symptoms over time, but the food issues often depress me the most. I struggle with having cravings I cannot possibly address, and with being revolted by everything that I can eat. As anyone who's spent much time with me knows, I'm very food oriented. It's just another damned punishment.

Six triscuits and five pills. I could weep.

Tags: cancer, food, health, personal

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened