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[personal|cancer] Still got nothing - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-12-21 05:40
Subject: [personal|cancer] Still got nothing
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, health, movies, personal, radiantlisa
Yesterday continued miserable. Contacted the oncology clinic, who had me switch to an every two hours rotation of double dosing Lomotil and Imodium. Normally that drug load would put me in the hospital with pathological constipation (where I have been before, trust me, that's bad), but in my case it only seemed to accelerate the lower GI distress. Which is to say, without the drugs I'd probably be in the hospital by now with pathological diarrhea. Not to mention hitting the anti-nausea meds two or three times yesterday due to coming within an ace of redecorating the carpet on multiple occasions.

As one might imagine, this has been a bit distracting. So here in Blogistan I still got nothing, except clinical exhaustion, a severely compromised GI both upper and lower, and the kind of full scale abrogation of my personal dignity that comes when an adult can no longer properly manage their bowel functions. There was a moment of mild amusement last night when reaching for an adult diaper I accidentally grabbed and unwrapped a maxipad. Well, Lisa Costello was amused. I was crying tears of frustration and shame.

So far today, who knows? It's early yet. Lots of time today for even more things to go wrong.

Also, to add to my immense frustration, this means I probably won't get to see The Hobbit tomorrow as planned, unless my gut really settles down today. Yes, the movie will still be there later on, but it's another damned price to pay in this endless parade of irritation and humiliation that is cancer and chemotherapy.

In other news, regular wit and erudition will resume eventually.

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User: e_bourne
Date: 2012-12-21 15:09 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
As Mark always said, the three things they took from him were his watch, his dignity, and his libido. One of them they gave back.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2012-12-21 15:26 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Oddly, I still have my libido. The intersection of that and chemo fatigue is problematic in its own way, but the spirit continues willing even when the flesh is weak in all possible sense of that phrase.

Dignity, that was excised with my sigmoid colon. I have no idea why I even worry about it any more.
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User: mcjulie
Date: 2012-12-21 16:16 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Ow. I'm sorry.

Would it be cool if we had the power to transfer your internal distress on someone who really deserves it, like Rush Limbaugh, or would such a power turn us into monsters?

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User: radiantlisa
Date: 2012-12-21 18:10 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
My guilt at having laughed was mitigated somewhat by the discovery today that it was in fact a liner and *not* a maxi-pad. Still feeling bad about the laughter, though ...
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Jay Lake: funny-do_not_hump
User: jaylake
Date: 2012-12-21 18:20 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Don't feel guilty. It *was* funny, even if We Were Not Amused in the moment.
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