[cancer] Morpheus' elusive chariot awaits me not - Lakeshore — LiveJournal
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Jay Lake
Date: 2012-12-30 06:08
Subject: [cancer] Morpheus' elusive chariot awaits me not
Security: Public
Tags:cancer, dreams, health, personal
Because of the Late Unpleasantness in my lower GI immediately following on a chemo weekend, I slept about two weeks straight with Lorazepam every night. These past two nights I've foregone the pill, and have slept for beans as a result. This frustrates me.

I really, really don't want to be drug-dependent to meet my sleep needs. In my baseline health, I am a champion sleeper. Turn off the light, fall asleep, wake six hours later energetic and refreshed. I am like the opposite of a sleep disorder. These last two nights it's been frequent wakefulness and uneasy dreams.

Two nights doesn't mean I got hooked on the Lorazepam. And later in the chemo cycle I'll likely be on it close to full time anyway. But this isn't how I want to live my life, out of a pillbox. At the moment, even sleep, one of my closest companions, seems out of my control.

In other news, I am having the opposite problem of the Late Unpleasantness in my lower GI, which is completely unsurprising as the relevant meds normally affect me like a concrete enema. Which they have. Which means my appetite is shrinking as my GI tract backs up deeper and deeper.

Sigh. Car on ice. Always.

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User: keikaimalu
Date: 2012-12-30 17:03 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I say take the drugs you need to get sleep, which is the foundation on which health and recovery rest. Even if your body acclimates to the Lorazepam, you'll still be able to wean yourself off it when the time comes. You won't get "hooked" in any permanent sense, especially since you really don't want to and thus would likely be willing to suffer through some withdrawal effects to get off it.
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User: martianmooncrab
Date: 2012-12-30 20:53 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
You should run a pillbox competition, I must have gone through a dozen before I found a system that worked for me.. size, shape, capacity.. number of pills each day at what times.. When I was gone for a month with Anne, I ended up using small baggies for each dose and holding them in a larger ziplock bag by AM or PM doses, which was fun going through the TSA with my drug dealer persona.
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