This is disgusting. I'm not kidding.
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You have been warned. Sure you want to keep reading?
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Last chance to go do something constructive.
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Ok, here goes.
I've been suffering from pretty horrible constipation as a result of the Imodium I had to take to deal with the nine day bout of out of control diarrhea in the days leading up to Christmas. Imodium always affects me drastically, which is why I hate to take it, but I wound up using Imodium in dosages rather in excess of the label at my doctor's direct orders.
Well, it finally stopped the diarrhea, though that took days. Then I had a little but of bowel activity. Now, for the past four or five days, nothing. My classic Imodium reaction of a concrete enema.
In the last day or two, I have shit out several small pieces of concrete. Stool so thick and heavy I can hear it hit the bottom of the toilet bowl. I'm talking impacted colon territory.
That's not the disgusting part. I mean it is, but this isn't exactly new territory for me. Hell, I was once hospitalized for constipation. Trust me, that is an experience no one wants to undergo.
No, the disgusting part is that last night I discovered that yes, it is in fact humanly possible to experience both constipation and diarrhea at the same fucking time. I would have bet good money against this possibility.
Basically, starting late yesterday evening, every time I sat down to, as the doctors say, strain at stool, it would start with a rush of fluid. I presume this is a problem somewhere behind the current concrete enema, and it's slowly leaking past the blockage. So what I wound up with last night was the frequent need to go, due to pressure from the liquid arriving at the exit point, combined with the pressure and pain of stool so dense and dry you could use it for building material.
Jesus fucking Christ on a propane powered unicycle. Talk about getting it from both ends. Well, just the one end, but you know what I mean.
As a special bonus, I also ran through a whole pack of Dulcolax suppositories. In the magical process of using one late at night, with KY gel to assist, I discovered that I cannot in fact find my ass with both hands in the dark.
Good thing my dignity was shredded years ago by cancer and its discontents, because last night left psychic scars as it is. Meanwhile, the New Unpleasantness continues unabated.