To be more accurate, it is the fifth anniversary of me presenting at the emergency room with symptoms that led to my diagnosis on May 1st, 2008 [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ].
It's been a long, hard road since then. Given what we learned this past January about me being considered incurable [ jlake.com | LiveJournal ], the road ahead is considerably shorter than the road behind. My CT scan and oncology consult next week are quite likely to produce my terminal diagnosis.
Time and again the sheer existential horror of this catches up to me. It tugs at my attention, stills my heart for a beat or two, and gnaws at my soul. But every day I am alive is another day. Every day with
Still, I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. It's just that the path I'm on right now wasn't the outcome I was hoping for. I've spent more than 10% of my life being ill, a third of
I hate this disease. I love the world, I love life, but I hate what cancer has done to me and everyone around me.