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Jay Lake
Date: 2013-05-20 06:34
Subject: [cancer] Being there, at the Nebulas
Security: Public
Tags:awards, cancer, conventions, family, friends, health, personal
So, the Nebs. I'm still processing a lot, specifically in the context of my cancer journey. I can't shake the feeling that I'm going on my farewell tour these days. Which is essentially true, barring some extremely unexpected developments. Even if I hang on past the current prognosis, I'll either be wrapped in the misery of treatment or I'll be wrapped in the misery of my terminal decline. I don't expect to travel again much if ever after this summer. That means that while it's reasonably possible I'll still be alive at the time of next year's Nebula Awards Weekend, it's highly improbable I could attend.

Everyone who knows me knows this, too.

I received an amazing amount of well wishing. Almost all of it was delivered tactfully. I got to have worthwhile conversations with most of the people present whom I know personally. I got to see a lot of a few people, and a little of a lot of people. I had hella fun, as did my family and friends. But all of those memories are overlain by sadness.

At least I lived long enough to go as one of the nominees. This is something I'm quite proud of. And it was very gratifying to be able to give Aliette de Bodard her well-earned short story Nebula.

But beyond that rather pointless melancholy, I can't yet tell you what it means. I can only tell you I was present, at this time my life.

Sometimes that's enough.

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User: Jeff P
Date: 2013-05-20 13:59 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Sometimes that's all there IS, the present moment.

Glad you got to go and see so many friends.
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mlerules: Maypole
User: mlerules
Date: 2013-05-20 14:07 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Being present is key, these days (and always). Glad you had a good time there, surrounded by fambily, friends, and acquaintances.
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User: chris_gerrib
Date: 2013-05-20 14:25 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I don't know, but it seems you have a very pointed melancholy.

Keep calm and carry on, sir.
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Debbie N.
User: wild_irises
Date: 2013-05-20 14:44 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
I ended up deciding not to come down, for a variety of reasons. One of the main reasons I wanted to be there was to see/connect with you, and on that front I decided that you probably didn't need more fans on your farewell tour. :-(

Sometimes being present is all there is, whether or not it's enough.
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Kevin Roche
User: kproche
Date: 2013-05-20 17:18 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
We were so glad to see you, it was one of our big looking-forward-to's for the weekend.

We're also glad you got to see the robot in action, finally!

I'm especially glad we lucked out and found you on our way out, too. I'm looking forward to seeing you where I see you this year, because that's all we can do, and its just what is (dammit!).
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asakiyume: feathers on the line
User: asakiyume
Date: 2013-05-20 17:47 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:feathers on the line
sometimes that's enough

I hear you. Do you like birds? I heard this bird this morning while I was on a walk. It was pretty amazing, like liquid electronic drunken happiness.
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Jay Lake
User: jaylake
Date: 2013-05-21 00:27 (UTC)
Thank you.
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Rick Moen
User: rinolj
Date: 2013-05-21 16:38 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Sorry to have missed you. (I had as reserve weaponry a hideously loud aloha shirt that I intended to do in your honour.)

This picture's for you: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3uh4tm/
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